PLANET OF THE APES

By Daniel Villalobos

“So I got this obscure French novel about Apes ruling the world.”

“So people running around in monkey suits and funny masks.”

“Don’t call them Monkeys, it’s racist.”

“Racist? But they are monkeys.”

“That statement is exactly why this movie needs to be made and it will succeed. “

“I’m in. Here’s money.”

This is how I imagine the conversation went between Producer Arthur Jacobs and Fox Vice-President Dick Zanuck. In 1963, Jacobs had obtain the rights to the then unfinished novel by French author Pierre Boulle, After several failed pitches to studio execs he brought it to the attention of the young maverick exec and son of movie mogul Daryl F. Zanuck, Richard Zanuck. Zanuck was willing to take a chance or maybe he did see the potential in a movie in which an astronaut crash-lands on an earth-like planet where the dominant species is Ape, rather than Man.

I absolutely love this film series, LOVE IT! Other than one incredibly misguided reboot attempt (damn you Burton, what happened man?!?!), this series is extremely solid. It is now 7 movies deep, with the 8th opening this week. I am so ridiculously looking forward to this one because of the awesomeness that is 2011’s RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES and of course for my powerful love of all things APES.

My first experience with POTA was the ending of SPACEBALLS. If you remember Mel Brook’s Classic Star Wars parody also spoofed other Sci-Fi epics including STAR TREK and of course one joke on the Sci-Fi franchise that in somewhat started it all. We’ll get to that in a second, but first off, if you haven’t seen SPACEBALLS (what the hell is wrong with you?!?!) the movie ends with the bad guys landing on the PLANET OF THE APES prompting the following exchange between two apes,



That was it. My one and only experience with PLANET OF THE APES. My dad told me the premise of the original and I was not in anyway interested, at least when I was 10. However, in 2001, one of my favorite directors (At least up til then, boy did he take a dump over the next 15 years.) Tim Burton was making a remake. I still didn’t feel that interested in seeing the original. Then I saw the Burton one (More on that later) and hated it. First TB movie I have hated up to that point (somehow he has made much worse since.) So I decided to go and finally watch this supposed classic film that would open the door for the greatest franchise of all time, STAR WARS.

Ummmm, didn’t like it. Not one bit. At least not in 2001. I can’t completely blame it on immaturity because I was 22 at the time, but I was still immature in my view of any movie made before 1972 (GODFATHER BITCHES!!!). Problem is, Phil Hartman’s Charlton Heston impression left such an impression on me (PUN!) that I couldn’t help but hear Phil every time Chuck opened his mouth.

Back to those damn dirty Apes… So a few years ago they released the reboot RISE, so I decided to go back and revisit it. Maybe a 32 year old me will dig it. I was at Amoeba records and there staring at me is a big blue box set with Roddy McDowall Aped up face looking me directly in the eyes. Now I know it’s an inanimate object so it couldn’t possibly really being staring at me, but it was. It followed me everywhere. The power of Caesar compelled me. So I bought that expensive mother fucking box set. A box set of a movie series in which I hated its original as well as the reboot by a director I considered at one time to be one of my heroes.

Avast ye Schmoeville, thar be spoilers on dis here cruise.

However, I will warn you when the spoilers are coming by throwing the trailer right before the spoiler part.

Alright, let’s do this. Oh Boy, I love these movies.

PLANET OF THE APES (1968)

Directed by: Franklin J. Schaffner

Written by: Rod Serling, Michael Wilson based on the book by Pierre Boulle

Starring: Charlton Heston, Kim Hunter, Roddy McDowall, Linda Harrison, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore

So to reiterate, I USED TO HATE PLANET OF THE APES. Now I don’t. And here’s why. It’s awesome.

Not enough? It’s smart, exciting and wonderful filmmaking with a social conscience and something to say. Basic premise is this: 4 astronauts take off on a mission… well just watch.

SPOILERS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING TRAILER:

SPOILERS – I’ve now warned you twice.

In the turbulent 60’s networks shied away from anything that may have been considered controversial. Things like racial issues and negative views on our military involvement anywhere. In America we do have the freedom of speech and we aren’t arrested and thrown in jail for bringing up sensitive topics or disagreeing with our government, however in some areas of employment, you can be black listed. Hollywood is an industry that was famous for it. The Hollywood Communist witch-hunt is about as un-American as you can get. There was nothing right about those hearings, as far as our Constitution goes. Yet only 60 years ago, our government endorsed this. Writers like Rod Serling and Gene Rodenberry wanted to talk about these social issues and they were told no. So they turned to Sci-Fi/Fantasy to tell these stories seeing as execs thought only kids and the socially inept watched those types of programs. Sometimes shortsightedness can work out.

POTA was a story that could convey the sheer terror that the world was feeling with the threat of nuclear war. It was also a great allegory for the Civil Rights Movement. The way the Apes hunt, round up and sometimes kill humans terrified a good many people, as it should. Fair trials for anyone not white or of a certain social standing is personified here when the Apes put Taylor (Heston) on trial and deem that he is not subject to the same Fair Trial as an ape would have, simply because he is human. The fact that he is a talking human, something that does not exist on this planet, only creates paranoia among the ruling class. They think him an abomination that must be destroyed and studied. We have to ask ourselves, how would we treat an animal that could suddenly speak?

The music by Jerry Goldsmith, the father of many epic scores, is at his best here. There is a reason the Blu Ray has isolated Score options. The music is so beautiful and haunting that words aren’t needed. But it’s so well written, you should see it with the words at least once.

And that ending, man oh man, what an ending. Discovering that this crazy back-wood planet is actually earth, HIS EARTH, is such a powerful moment and Heston plays it brilliantly. Yes, it’s parodied many times, but it’s still no less powerful. We fucking blew up our planet and de-evolved. Son of a bitch.

That one is my fave of all the parodies. “In this world gone mad, we won’t spank the monkey…the monkey will spank us”

Rating: 4.2 out of 5 Schmoes.

BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES (1970)

Directed By: Ted Post

Written By: Paul Dehn, Mort Abrams

Starring: James Franciscus, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, Linda Harrison, Charlton Heston

This is my least favorite of the original series by far. BATTLE, the final of the OG series, is probably the worst made film of the five but I think this one is super weak in most respects. After the brilliance of the first one, this one literally was a re-tread of the first, like EVIL DEAD 2. Although EVIL DEAD 2 is fucking brilliant. This one, not so much. The reason Heston is at the end of that cast list is because he’s only in 2 scenes. One in the beginning, where he disappears into the forbidden zone and then again at the climax. Heston did not want to do the sequel but did it as a favor to Arthur Jacobs. The movie doesn’t get good until Taylor is back on screen, which is about an hour and five minutes in, maybe even later. It’s at this point it actually becomes it’s own movie, right down to it’s super downer ending.

SPOILERS FOLLOWING THE TRAILER

Can I get a SPOILER!!!

APES would become known for it’s twist endings but as the movies went on, the endings became increasingly darker. In this, Taylor and Fake-Taylor (That’s what I call the second movie’s lead, because that’s what he is.) discover a group of mutant humans who have been living underground and worshiping a nuclear missile. Once the Apes figure out a way through the Mutants defense a final battle ensues and the apes kill all the humans and topple the missile that is their god. Fake-Taylor is killed and Taylor is mortally wounded. In his last desperate act, realizing that this endless cycle of hate will never end, he hits the red button and destroys the planet.

Ironically, this ending only happened because of strife between the Zanucks. Daryl decided to get more involved after his son, Dick, green-lit a few duds. Seeing that he was no longer going to take over for his father, he bolted for Universal but before he did he told Arthur Jacobs to blow it up. They hadn’t yet decided how exactly to end the movie, would it be a cliffhanger, would it be a little lighter than the first. Well… No. It was darker than the first and in no way a cliffhanger, in fact this is about as final as it gets. Zanuck the Younger is gone, so no more APES movies right? WRONG!!!

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Schmoes.

ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES (1971)



Directed by: Don Taylor

Written by: Paul Dehn

Starring: Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Ricardo Montalbon

You blew up the Planet!!! How the hell is there going to be a third one!??! Simple, this is Sci-Fi/Fantasy bitches, we do what we want when we want. Dr. Milo is the Apes version of Leonardo Da Vinici, an absolute genius inventor. He repairs Taylor’s ship and he, Zira and Cornelius head out into space where they arrive on present day earth.

I haven’t talked much about the acting so far but that is not a knock on it because Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter are absolutely brilliant in this series. Roddy was in 4 films, Kim in 3. Roddy was unfortunately unavailable for number 2 and his absence is glaringly felt. Kim was around in 2 but she pretty much was background but in picture #3 their characters, Zira and Cornelius finally got their moment. This is very much their movie and I think it is my favorite of the original 5.

The first half is a bit more light-hearted than the previous 2 but that doesn’t last. There is an inquiry with a government appointed panel that grill our new visitors about who they are and what they are about, very reminiscent of the McCarthy’s Communist Witch Hunt. Oh, I forget to mention the co-writer of Movie #1 Michael Wilson was blacklisted, so this allusion is as personal as it gets.

SPOILERS FOLLOWING IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING TRAILER

The light heartedness comes from when the Apes become celebs. The world falls in love with Zira and Cornelius and rightfully so. They go on a tour of the city, dress up in human clothes and go to fancy parties. However, darkness rears its evil head after one of these parties where Zira drinks a little bit too much. She lets slip her old job of studying and dissecting humans. The backlash is swift and severe.

I love the performance by these two fine actors and I really need to go and see some these two thesps non-ape roles. This was the original mo-cap performances. All Roddy and Kim could really use was their eyes and body movements. There is so much warmth in those eyes when they look at each other, you can feel the love. There is so much fear in those same eyes when they are on the run from the evil government agents. It’s on the run where they meet Armando, the leader of a traveling circus. Armando, played perfectly by Ricardo Montalbon, will become a much bigger part in the next installment and he is by far my favorite human character in the entire series including the latest. It is here that Zira gives birth to their baby Milo, named after Dr. Milo who was killed in the first few minutes by an earth gorilla.

Twist endings were a big part of 1 and 2, but here adds personal tragedy to the twist. Just when you think our hero Apes might get away Dr. Hasslein, the man most responsible for turning the world against them, catches up and murders Zira and their baby. Cornellius shoots him but is killed right after.

The twist here is, baby Milo doesn’t die. Armando and his circus apes save him. In the heartbreaking final shot, baby Milo utters his first words, “Mama”. Milo becomes the main protagonist for the rest of the series.

Rating: 4.1 out of 5

While PLANET may be the best-made film, this is my favorite of the OG series.

CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (1972)

Directed by: J. Lee Thompson

Written by: Paul Dehn

Starring: Roddy McDowall, Ricardo Montalbon

The darkest entry in an already dark series. CONQUEST has a somewhat similar plot to 2011’s reboot RISE but RISE is not a remake. Slavery is the key issue in this outing; it also further sets up the new timeline established when Dr. Milo, Zira, and Cornelius crash land on earth in the previous outing. When the first movie ended, we found out that earth was destroyed in a nuclear holocaust and that led to Apes evolving into the dominant species on the planet. Before the holocaust all the dogs and cats went extinct, so humans take Apes as pets. Soon realizing Apes are much more than just mere pets, we turned them into servants and eventually, slaves.

SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

SPOILERS!!!!

The story in Conquest follows Milo, the son of Zira and Cornelius who was saved by Armando at the end of the last pic. There are some very shocking and disturbing scenes in this 4th entry including apes being led around on leashes and beaten constantly. When Milo is captured he is taken through the ape training facility where he discovers just how cruel humans can be. Once he is “purchased” by Governor Breck, his cruel master and the story’s main protagonist, he is allowed to choose his own name, something Breck thinks is random. When Milo’s finger lands on the name “Caesar”, it is not at all random.

The evil that these apes experience is beyond horrific. Watching Caesar tortured is very difficult, especially because of the affection I have for Roddy’s portrayal of both father and son. I am very protective of him. I admire the fact that he remains strong through all the tragedy he faces over his life. Starting with the murder of his parents when he was just a babe in ESCAPE, continuing through CONQUEST and the death of his adopted father Armando and culminating with the death of his… Well, we’ll get to BATTLE soon enough.

Armando’s murder, he threw himself out a window rather than betray Caesar, technically a suicide but due the circumstances make it pretty much murder, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or Ape’s back as it were. Caesar, having lost all faith in humanity, begins his uprising. The sadness turned anger in Caesar’s face upon learning of his beloved friend’s death is possibly Roddy McDowall’s most poignant moment in all 4 of his Ape appearances. It leads to Caesar’s speech, the brutal and justifiable beating of Governor Breck and sets up the finale to this epic saga.

Check out the trailer one more time, hit the 1:20 mark to see part of that chilling speech from Caesar. So much anger.

Rating: 3.75 out of 5 Schmoes.

BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES (1973)

Directed By: J. Lee Thompson

Written By: John William Corrington, Joyce Hooper Corrington based on a story by Paul Dehn.

Starring: Roddy McDowall

The final Apes is a bit of a disappointment after such an amazing series so far, other than the second entry, which is definitely my least favorite. I think the problem here is, extreme lack of budget. The movie was supposed to end in the titular battle and should have been a spectacular finale to the first great Sci-Fi/Fantasy franchise but due to the aforementioned lack of budget ended up looking like dudes in gorilla suits fighting in someone’s backyard. But everything leading up to the battle is good stuff.

You know the drill by now, right? SPOILER FOLLOWING TRAILER

SPOILERS!!!

It is here that we learn the first ape law, APE SHALL NEVER KILL APE. We also learn the first human law, as written by Apes, HUMAN SHALL NEVER TELL AN APE NO. NO was the word humans used to keep the apes subservient and it usually precluded a beating. NO is also the word the first ape leader used before turning on his human oppressors. Of course the latter NO came in the original timeline, BC (Before Caesar).

Then of course there is the death of Caesar’s son, murdered at the hands of one of his generals. APE SHALL NEVER KILL APE. Of course Caesar does not know this until after the battle with the Mutant Humans from the forbidden zone. After the battle, Aldo challenges Caesar’s leadership but is revealed to be his son’s murderer. Caesar chases Aldo up a tree where he then falls to his death. With his rival gone Caesar orders the Humans Aldo locked to be released but they refuse until they are treated equally. Caesar sees that they have become just as bad as the humans who enslaved them for so long.

Paul Dehn had left the project due to ailing health and the husband and wife team behind the OMEGA MAN came in to finish what he started. Both versions of the script, the Dehn one and the Corrington one ended slightly different. The movie opened with the Lawgiver played by John Huston, telling the story of the BATTLE. The ending shows that the Lawgiver is telling this story to ape and human children, proving that we can co-exist. However there is one shot of an ape kid and human kid beginning to fight and then a shot of a statue of Caesar that begins to cry. The Corringtons had ape kids and human kids fighting in at a playground, showing that war between our two species is inevitable. But Dehn came back for some minor rewrites and took that ending out, going instead with a shot of the Caesar Statue crying. I happen to agree with Joyce Corrington whom was quoted as calling it “Stupid.” The crying statue was stupid. Terrible for the final shot of the franchise. Although it looks like we get a second chance to do it right. The new film DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES is similar, but not a remake of BATTLE.

Fun fact: J. Lee Thompson is the only director who has directed two Apes films.

3.2 out of 5 Shcmoes – It may be the weakest film, but I still enjoy the hell out of it.

PLANET OF THE APES (2001)

Directed by: Tim Burton

Written by: William Broyles Jr., Lawrence Konner, Mark Rosenthal

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Paul Giamanti, Kris Kristofferson, Michael Clarke Duncan

W… T… F!!!! Seriously. THA HELL!?!?!?! I loved Tim Burton and after this turd, he really went downhill. And this was his follow up to the stellar SLEEPY HOLLOW. Other than BIG FISH, Burton has turned out nothing but crap since. SWEENY TODD was ok and FRANKENWEENIE was amazing but that was just a bigger budgeted version of his first film, which was just as charming. But man did he take a ride on the shit train after this massive disappointment.

This movie is even more disappointing because it starts off kind of ok. The first 30-45 minutes I was into it. Starting think to myself, hey, this ain’t half as bad as I remember it. Then the second half began and then the movie ended which is definitely a mercy but Jesus; that ending stunk. Or Stoink, is it Kristian? Anyway, more on the ending in a minute.

Production value, yes, this was good. They spent 100 mil so it looked fantastic. The brought back the original producer Dick Zanuck, unfortunately, Arthur Jacobs passed away soon after BATTLE. Sets, costumes, make-up, the way the apes moved, the technical aspects of this movie is top notch but the script… gross. How the hell do you manage to cock up a movie so bad when it stars 5 Oscar Nominees?!?! Wahlberg (THE FIGHTER, THE DEPARTED), Roth (ROB ROY) – (side note: ROB ROY is an amazing movie), Bonham-Carter (THE WINGS OF THE DOVE, KING’S SPEECH) Duncan (THE GREEN MILE), and Giamatti (SIDEWAYS). Actually 6!! If you count Charlton Heston (BEN HUR) in his horrible, shouldn’t of been a much more fun, cameo.

SPOILER!!!!

Not that it really matters, because you should really skip this piece of crap. I do own it, but I am a complete-ist (don’t think that’s a word) but anyway, I own this and BATMAN AND ROBIN plus a plethora of other sequels that are crap. But let’s talk that ending, ummmm…. So it goes like this:

Wahlberg’s Leo Davidson gets his ship and returns to earth but not before he awkwardly kisses Helena Bonham Carter, a little weird but I don’t have a problem with a little inter-species love. Come on, I’m a TREK fan. The problem is the completely confusing ending. Once he returns to earth, he lands in front of the Lincoln Memorial in DC. But it’s not Abraham Lincoln anymore, it’s a statue of Tim Roth’s Thade. Somehow, this race of apes that was living in tree houses with no electricity or any modern tech that I could see, figured out a way to travel in space and then back in time to completely alter earth’s history. Huh? Oh sure they could’ve evolved into beings who could do that eventually, but not in Thade’s lifetime. I know Burton wanted to give this a surprise like the original’s shocker but that one made sense. Sci-Fi sense, but still theoretically it made some sense. This one made none whatsoever.

2 out 5 Schmoes. 1 for cast. 1 for the sets, make-up, etc. -3 for the crap that supports those two things. Only see this if you are a complete-ist like me. Otherwise, steer clear.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (2011)

Directed by: Rupert Wyatt

Written by: Rick Jaffe, Amanda Silver

Starring: Andy Serkis, James Franco, Frida Pinto, John Lithgow, Brian Cox, Tom Felton, Tyler Labine

If there has ever been a remake/reboot/sequel/prequel, whatever the hell they want to call this, if there has ever been a successor that has complimented it’s predecessor so well while also surpassing it, RISE is it. I could talk so much about this movie, but I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and go buy it now. Yes I said buy, you will want to own it.

Andy Serkis is a once in a lifetime performer, an innovator of the highest order. What he has done with Caesar is nothing short of a miracle. If he doesn’t win an Oscar someday, there is something wrong with the academy. Seriously wrong. MO-Cap will never replace actors but it will always be another tool for a filmmaker to use in order to get the best product out there. The human cast is fantastic as well, the writing superb, special effects are award worthy, this is just one close fabulous movie. One of my favorite movies of all time.

5 out of 5 Schmoes.

What did our Generals think?

One thing I failed to mention early was the Make-Up, on both the original series and the Burton shitfest. It was amazing work. It allowed actors like Roddy McDowall , Kim Hunter, and Maurice Evans deliver the brilliant performances they did. It also allowed us to see what Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan and Paul Giamanti look like as apes. Especially Paul.

Even with the dirty diaper that is the 2001 remake, PLANET OF THE APES is a benchmark in Science Fiction Filmmaking and an endearing franchise that will keep adding to it’s legacy as long as we continue to make moving pictures.

There are three things you need to remember when dealing with Apes, once this actually does happen. Oh just so you know, APES and TERMINATOR could totally happen. Anyway, 3 things you need to remember.

1) APE SHALL NEVER KILL APE.

2) A HUMAN MAY NEVER TELL AN APE NO.

3) DO NOT CALL THEM MONKEYS

Attention all decks, this is the Captain speaking, prepare for warp… Engage.

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