Good evening, and how are you doing tonight? Welcome to Café Updaté.

Tonight, Chef has prepared a delicious menu from the latest, freshest market ingredients. I’ll be back in a few moments to take your drink orders and tell you about the specials, but in the meantime, get comfortable, enjoy a glass of champagne, and take in the menu. There’s a lot to see here. Welcome!

For dessert, a small 5-part sampler plate:

Access violation when you update compressed data

Timeout when you back up a large database to URL

Dimension security ignored by Power BI Desktop

CLR strict security added with trace flag 6545

Change Data Capture stopped working after a cumulative update

A delightful tasting menu of changes including the things in 2012 SP3 CU10, plus:

Log backup failure in AG secondaries

Access violation when you create an index with page compression

Failed to resume an AG secondary after a write failure

Access violation when you query a clustered columnstore when the data pages are too far apart (God bless that KB author for their honesty)

Unable to rebuild a partition online if it had a computed partitioning column

Stored procedure may fail after automatic failover

Assertion occurs when you run queries with a MERGE JOIN

Access violation if a stored proc is dropped before executing END TRY

UNION ALL with row goals runs slower in 2014 compared to 2008R2

CHECKFILEGROUP reports false inconsistency error on partitioned tables

Non-yielding scheduler during spinlock contention

And finally, for our main course, all of the above updates plus gems like:

Catch of the Day: Parallel queries return incorrect results for merge joins

Data mask on a floating points column is removed unexpectedly

Assertion failure when backing up large TDE encrypted databases

Deadlocks in SSISDB when you run multiple packages at once

Analysis Services caches stale data

Deadlocks in DMVs when performing large DDL operations

Non-yielding scheduler when you change the bucket_count for large memory-optimized tables

Access violation when you update partitioned tables with persisted computed columns

SUSER_SNAME function returns different results between 2014 & 2016

Can’t truncate partitions if they have extended or XML indexes

dm_db_incremental_stats_properties doesn’t show all partitions

Access violation if you run a non-distinct aggregate over a string column in a clustered columnstore table

Server stops responding when the latch_suspend_end XE is incorrectly triggered

Assertion on a secondary when you resume a suspended AG

AG databases not synchronizing after automatic failovers

Memory leak with in-memory OLTP

Restore fails for backups that combine compression, checksums, and TDE

I believe you’ll find something for everyone on tonight’s menu.

Here’s the best part: all of these updates will automatically be delivered to your hungry SQL Servers with absolutely no database administrators required whatsoever. Here at Café Updaté, our meals prepare themselves and –

wait –

I apologize, my assistant just informed me that our robotic automation is 86’d tonight. I’m sorry, but this means you’ll be applying these updates manually.

To all of your SQL Servers.

Just like you always have.

I’m sure that’s only a momentary issue, though. If you visit us tomorrow night, we might have made some progress on that unfortunate issue.

I’ll be back in a few moments with the grapes so you can start making your own wine.