6 Ride a Lion (and Other Dangerous Animals)

The Telegraph

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OK, so what if that thin layer of plexiglass is still too much separation from the dangerous predators of the world? Lucky for you there is the Lujan Zoo near Buenos Aires, Argentina. For a small fee and a signed release form that absolves the facility of any and all wrongdoing, you can ride a full-size lion!

The Daily Mail

"Come on, honey, really dig those spurs in!"

If that's not really your thing, you can play with tigers, cuddle with cheetahs or get chewed on by bears, or whatever dangerous beasts they've got available (seasonal restrictions may apply). They pretty much open the cages to people and let them do whatever. And bring your kids, too! What can conceivably go wrong?

The Daily Mail

"Awww, he just wants to get a taste of human flesh."

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But those animals are all broken-spirited shells of the majestic beasts they once were. If you want to actually participate in the nightmarish brutality of nature, head on down to the Harbin Siberian Tiger Park in China, where you can purchase live animals, tie them to the top of your glass-covered SUV and drive through a pride of ravenous murder engines. The fact that someone gets dragged off now and then only adds to the excitement.