Ode to Online Dating

Erin Frey Blocked Unblock Follow Following Aug 15, 2013

On the interwebs I place my fate

To find a kind + smart + fit + rich + tall date.

I sign up for sites

And hope for some bites

Ah, the desperate search for a mate.

So many questions are on my mind

As I browse all of lonely mankind

Will we match, relate

And concatenate?

Or to my sweet charms will he be blind?

Too hip for E-Harmony or Match

I look through Tinder (or Grindr’s) batch

It’s like hot or not

Quick hook-ups are sought

Swipe to the right and hope for a catch.

Okay, Cupid, there’s PlentyofFish

Sites that cater to my ev’ry wish

JDate for a Jew

Shaadi, Manhunt, too

And Positive Singles’ petri dish.

Grouper lets friends be partners in crime

I can lunch to social ladder climb

Or Skout on my phone

When I’m travel prone

Speed dating works when I’m short on time.

Overwhelmed, I try HowAboutWe

And hope ‘ball game’ will respond to me

Will my bagel mix

With his caffeine fix?

Will we share laughs and find Chemistry?

He messages back. We set a date.

“Yay!” I scream aloud, he took the bait!

But then the night sucks.

We both spent huge bucks

Only to go home, lone, to deflate.

And by now I’m so tired of dating

The baiting, the waiting, the mating

Wanna be alone

In my pers’nal zone

Just reading, writing, and vibrating.

But I know the dates will start again

In months (years!?) to come I’ll churn through men

The search and the find →

fall → love → end → rewind ↵

fall → love → end → rewind ↵

fall → love → end → rewind ↵

Does our quest for true love ever end?