For the last decade, the greatest benefit to being a Manchester United fan has been the license to perpetually wear a smug grin of satisfaction. Liverpool only qualified for the UEFA league again? Poor King Kenny. At least Andy Carroll has curbed his drinking problem and keeps the bench nice & warm during winter. Arsenal struggling to start the season? Well, at least they’ll get a cash injection from Barcelona in the transfer window. Lately, though, the tides have turned.

I don’t care to talk about tactics. Or signings. Or injuries. Or luck. United crashing out of the Champions League at the group stages raised my eyebrows, but did not alter the Earth’s orbit. For the last few years, since the Ronaldo-Tevez-Rooney trident split up, Sir Alex has patched together a quilt of a team from uneven scraps of cloth. Like a baby-boomer refinancing a mortgage, SAF always found family jewelry in the attic to auction and get an iPad. Until now. I love the current players, but even I find myself going elevator-eyes when City’s roster flickers on screen. But we couldn’t finance the purchase of an ottoman with our credit score.

So, for the first time in years, I actually rooted for Chelsea in a game. The match reminded me of the NBA lockout, where behind closed doors billionaire owners from small Midwestern cities fought with multi-billionaire owners from the big coastal metropolises. I wanted both to lose, but knew that wasn’t possible. No matter how many times I rubbed the lamp, City and Chelsea were not going to kiss, hold hands, and jump off a cliff like scorned lovers. I needed mini-Goliath to beat Goliath. A draw would help, but not much.

During the World Cup, lots of neutrals watch games to keep tabs on groups, advancement possibilities, and to see some good teams. This was not one of those “general interest” viewings. I have occasionally engaged in Schadenfraude (especially when Arsenal is up by a single goal to a Stoke City-esque side), but normally keep my eyes to my own team(s). This was kinda Schadenfraude, but not entirely. Watching City-Chelsea was without a doubt a new experience – after years of holding destiny in our hands, I sat helpless as lady fate swung her pendulum to-and-fro. It was…an uneasy feeling. Like a tattoo parlor that is not open Friday or Saturday nights, something was very amiss.

So, yes, I am kinda embarrassed to be in the Europa League. However, as an optimist, at least we don’t climb the mountain to lose the hill-race. If, heaven forbid, we were to catch up with Liverpool in Champions League victories just to fall behind in Europa League crowns, then we’d still be at the same destination. Right? RIGHT? Still, United fans have very sore necks. We can no longer look down, and the grin has turned into a smirk.

We will become Gunners fans for a week, but secretly pray that this is the last weekend where we need to keep tabs on other teams.

In other parts…

The False 9 had a pretty cool Venn diagram, even if the Matrix reference is not entirely right. Check it out here.

For those of you who love streams of games, the well may soon run dry. The US Congress is considering a law that will give large corporations the tools to shake down ISPS and domain registrars, all in an effort to prevent you from seeing content streamed by RoniTV. I’ve written about RojaDirecta‘s legal battles before and you know whose side I’m on. A Football Report details all the pitfalls of the “SOPA” law here.

Elliott’s soccer eBook “An Illustrated Guide to Soccer & Spanish” is available on the Nook for only $5.99. Check it out here.