Why would anyone like America?

Because America is the greatest country on Earth.

You asked for it. With a question like that, I’m not going to make the slightest pretense at objectivity. I am biased as fuck. If rampant pro-American patriotism triggers you, turn back now. You have been warned.

I’m going to take out my freedom boner and wave it all around in the name of ‘Murica!

Reasons America is the greatest country on earth, and everyone should love us.

We were founded explicitly on the ideals of individual liberty. Sure, we told the King to fuck off, but we didn’t replace him with a new one. We told the entire concept of monarchy to fuck off.

We have actual freedom of, and freedom from, religion. You can worship your deity of choice, and I can go up a hilltop during a thunderstorm wearing copper armor and scream all gods are bastards, without fear of the government stopping either of us.

Our Founding Fathers were badass.

Our presidents were badass.

Unless you are Russia, Canada, or China, we’re bigger than you. Probably by a lot.

Everyone can find us on the map. We’ll probably only bother to find out where you are right before we send the Marines.

We have fleet elements larger than whole navies. The US Navy accounts for 48% of all aircraft carriers on Earth.

We invented the greatest game on Earth.

We invented the best dessert on Earth.

We drive in circles because we can.

You don’t need one of these for internal travel. The Government doesn’t control the movement of the people.

Bacon.

Private citizens can own enough firepower to invade and conquer small countries.

You can protest, and so long as you don’t start burning everything down, all anybody is going to do is bitch.

You don’t have to worry about “political crimes”.

You can use your freedom of speech to protest the very system that guarantees you can protest it without fear of reprisal.

Most of us see this man, not as a dangerous, seditious radical, but as a hero.

We’re still the best in the world at force projection.

You probably speak at least some English. We probably don’t even recognize your language. More of us study foreign languages because we want to, not because we have to.

When disaster strikes, y’all keep looking to us. And we keep answering the call. Even if you hate us.

Y’all keep bitching about us, but y’all keep moving here too. And when one of you takes the Oath to be one of Us, you are. Anyone can become an American Citizen. If you really come here to be one of us, we’ll welcome you. We’ll teach you our ways, and take what’s best about your ways and fold into ourselves.

We are America. We were founded on idealism. We fuck up and we fall short, but we never stop trying to be better tomorrow than we were yesterday. We are the land of dreamers and innovators, of scientists and philosophers. We are the land of the free and the home of the brave.

That is why anyone would like America. That is why America is the greatest country on Earth.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”-US Declaration of Independence