So, unless you've been living under a urinal cake, you've probably heard about some anti-LGBT legislations that have been proposed and/or passed in a number of states (North Carolina and Mississippi most infamously). These state legislators are all really concerned about the deadly scourge of transgender women using the women's room, and so in their infinite wisdom, they're going to force those nasty trans women to pee in the men's room. I don't want to go into the merits of these - such as whether there's any actual threat from trans women (there isn't), or if women actually want to share the restroom with trans men (they really, really don't.) Nope, that's been done very well elsewhere. But what seems to be missing is a good discussion about why trans women are using the ladies room in the first place. Why don't they just suck it up and go pee with the men, and stop causing such a fuss? Well, as a Genuine Trans Woman (tm), I happen to have a few thoughts on the matter. So here are five reasons why it's actually very important for us to be able to use the women's restroom:

1. We need to pee. A lot. Juston Smith / Via en.wikipedia.org Now, everybody needs to pee from time to time - it's just part of life. But trans women are special. Why? Because a large chunk of us, in our quest to slay the testosterone demon, take medications called "anti-androgens." These drugs pretty much work by telling our testicles to take a siesta and stop producing so much damn testosterone. In fact, often our levels are much lower than cis (non-trans) women. And guess what? The chief anti-androgen, spironolactone, is a potent diuretic. In other words, we have to pee so much it's not funny. Seriously, for those of us on spiro, we have to make so many trips to the bathroom that we're earning frequent flier miles. It's true that not all trans women are on spiro; some women can't take it for health reasons, other women don't want to mess with their body's fragile endocrine system. And women who've had various kinds of gender affirming surgeries no longer actually need to suppress testosterone (I'm sure you can figure out why). However, for those of us who are taking this wonderful, horrible drug, we're going to need a lavatory sooner rather than later. We can't hold it in, because we'd explode in a very unsanitary manner. And it's not like there's always a single occupancy bathroom within sprinting distance - there's certainly not one in my office building. So we have to pick one or the other.

2. We don't belong in the men's room. Billy Hathorn / Via en.wikipedia.org Look at that photo of Janet Mock - transgender activist and all around model of womanhood. Just look at her! Can you imagine Janet having to use a urine-spattered cesspit of a men's truck stop restroom? No? I didn't think so. Case closed! Well, actually no - we aren't all Janet Mock. If we were, there'd be no way to tell who was trans and who wasn't without a full cavity search and DNA sequencing. But unfortunately, a lot of us get "clocked" (perceived as trans) at least some of the time (even Laverne Cox!!!) So it's not quite that simple. But even though we might get pegged as trans, most of us are still obviously feminine; we wear women's clothes, we may wear jewelry and makeup, and yes, we do sit to pee. In fact our whole demeanor is so far from the masculine that we'd stick out in the men's room like Donald Trump at a quinceanera (and be just about as welcome there too). So maybe we aren't all Audrey Hepburn-esque. Maybe we might have a noticeable Adam's apple, or a square jaw, or a resonant voice, or some other trait that can be used to identify us as trans. But there are plenty of cisgender women who share one or more of these traits, and no-one kicks them out of the women's room (well, usually not)

3. We don't like being reminded that we're "different" 40 times a day. Bill Jurgensen / Via buzzfeed.com (Okay, 40 might be a bit of an overstatement, but you did read the point about Spironolactone, right?) Look - you may or may not quite get what I'm about to say, and that's OK. It's a hard concept even for me to explain. But for trans women, weknow we are women. We don't put up with all the crap that's thrown our way because we enjoy being the butt of jokes - we do it because to us, this is who we actually are. We're not confused men, or men in dresses, or really any kind of men at all. We're women. And believe it or not, we're out there, every day, living, working, playing, eating, shopping, doing everything as women, and most of the time the world doesn't bat an eye. Sure, many of us get clocked from time to time (and pointed out, stared at, etc), but mostly people just accept us for who we are. You've almost surely interacted with a trans person at some point without knowing, unless you mercilessly scrutinize every person you come across. What I'm getting at, most of the time our lives are just... normal. We're just going along, minding our business, doing normal things and fitting in. And that's the way we want it, it's kind of the point. There's no way we want to break out of that 10 times a day, to expose ourselves as something other.

4. We prefer not to get the &^$*! kicked out of us. Kevin Dietrich/Solent News / Via touch.metro.us It's a sad fact that it's not all that safe to be a trans woman. In movies, when guy finds out that the hottie he's been lusting after is actually sporting a penis, he'll immediately double over and retch while the audience has a good laugh (haha!) In real life though, there's a damn good chance he'd just kick the shit out of her. Or worse. It's bad enough just walking down the street. Like most women, if I walk past some sketchy dude-bro, my first thought is "Please Lord, don't let them notice me." But, if they _do_ latch on, my prayers immediately redouble into "Oh sweet Jesus, my Lord and Savior, PLEASE don't let them realize that I'm trans!!!" Think this might be a bit overdramatic? It's not. So given that, imagine how happy it makes me to think that I might be required by law to traipse in to the men's room whilst this very same sketchy dude is holding his dick in his hand. Imagine how it would feel having to do that day after day - at work, or at a gas station, or out at a bar at night. How long before some guy with masculinity issues decides to rearrange my face? I think the best way for a cis person to think about it is this: imagine that you, personally among all humans, were required by law to use the grizzly bear bathroom. Sure, not all grizzly bears are man-eating beasts - I'm sure many of them are quite friendly. But ask yourself, would you feel unsafe? I'll answer that with another question: does a bear shit in the woods?

5. We just want to be. The transition phase is tough. It varies from woman to woman (and trans men have their own special hell) but it is NOT just as simple as throwing on a dress and calling it a day. It might involve near weekly doctor's visits, hundreds of hours of painful electrolysis, and intensive voice training. We have to consult with lawyers, and spend time in court to legally change our names and gender markers. Then there is changing our driver's licenses, birth certificates, and passports. We have to plan years in advance to schedule and save up for any gender confirming surgeries we might wish to have, all the while jumping through hoops to convince doctors and therapists that we deserve them. Then there's the issue of employment; in most states, we can lose our jobs and even our housing just for being trans, so we have to be prepared for that. Even when we do have limited legal protections, coming out at work is no easy feat. We have to schedule meetings with HR, our managers, and our coworkers. We don't just show up one day in a floral knit and plop down at our desk. And yes, we have to think long and hard about how to handle restrooms. At first, a lot of us avoid going out for any length of time, so that we won't need to use the lavatory. Forget going out for coffee or beer. We might even resort to using an app to find trans-friendly bathrooms. Or maybe we'll only go out with a girlfriend who promises to accompany us. The whole bathroom issue already causes us a ton of anxiety without wondering if some upright citizen is going to turn us in to the bathroom police. Frankly, transitioning is fucking exhausting. This is not something you undertake lightly - usually we only do it after years of internal struggle - and I can't think of any trans woman who relishes the experience. The one goal we have, and the one reason we put up with all this, is just to get to the point where we can just live our lives as the women we are, without having to think about it every single god damned day. Without having to fret about things like, oh, I don't know... which bathroom we're allowed to use.