NEW MOON: November 29, 2016 6:18:10 AM Mazunte, Mexico; 7 Sagittarius 42', 10TH HOUSE

FULL MOON: December 13, 2016 6:05:30 PM MAZUNTE, MEXICO; 22 Gemini 25', 5th HOUSE

TL;DR Too much to read? I don't blame you... jump ahead to the 'good stuff':

Background

The Signs

The Sagittarius energy hosting this cycle’s New Moon is fire of a mutable, changeable quality. It is inspirational, enthusiastic and playful. Sagittarius carries an adventurous attitude and as such rules things like sports and traveling. However, one can travel not only by planes and trains, but from an armchair with a good book, exploring the infinite space of the mind through the contemplation of religions, philosophies and ideas. Sagittarius also relates to the expression of those ideas by advertising and publishing, communicating concepts and beliefs to the collective at large. At a deeper psychological layer, the root of Sagittarius is in the mind’s capacity for abstract thought and the interpretation of symbols. The ability for one to perceive an image, a glyph or a synchronicity in life and derive a deeper meaning from it, building a larger mental structure from this clue and perhaps even connecting it with universal archetypes and patterns is the essence of the Sagittarian process.

Gemini, the opposite sign is also mutable and changeable, but is of the element air. Gemini is the fastest sign in the zodiac. Air is the lightest, fastest element and Gemini is its speediest form, able to react quickly and adapt to dynamic circumstances. Gemini is the component of the thinking function which explores, evaluates and categorizes information with great curiosity. It naturally rules education, speaking and writing, the assimilation, expression and exchange of all this data. As opposed to Sagittarius, Gemini is more concerned with the velocity and volume of collecting and assimilating information in a given moment, staying detached enough to change focus along with the environment, uninterested in the longer contemplative process required to derive deep meaning.

The Houses

This New Moon took place in my natal chart’s 10th house. This area of life is one’s career and reputation. It is their role in society at large, what they do and build in the world and how they are recognized for it. The 10th house is not so much related to the daily experience of working, but rather the larger vocation that hopefully aligns with those activities.

The Full Moon is taking place in my 5th house, which governs creative self-expression and is said to manifest through love affairs, games and children. The 5th house depicts how a person shines in the world, and who’s not shining when their heart is truly open in love? It feels like a playful house which indicates that authentic self-expression encourages and aligns with a carefree attitude, free of fear and inhibitions.

My Context

Many of the astrologers I happen to follow, like Adam Sommer, Adam Elenbaas and Henry Seltzer had made predictive comments that this lunar cycle would be a powerful one and as I contemplated its configuration against my chart, it threatened to be super-powerful for me especially. The New Moon takes place right on top of what I consider to be the most potent configuration in my chart, a Jupiter-Uranus conjunction right next to my Midheaven, where the 10th house begins, the place in a chart where energy is the strongest. My astrology reading with Adam Sommer during the last lunation cycle carried over important significance as he brought to Light the significance of this placement with a blockage, an old wound indicated by an opposition to Chiron in Gemini which inhibits my authentic self-expression (5th house). Additionally, Adam reminded his podcast listeners that Jupiter and Uranus are approaching the “full moon” point in their own cycle of meaning, which draws closer around the time of this lunations’ actual Full Moon.

Additionally, as the Sun moved through Sagittarius, it would meet Saturn, my ruling planet and the “Lord of Karma”, very near the South Node of the Moon, a point of “karmic history.” This could make for some events which produced feelings of deep recognition, or opportunities to approach and transform old patterns and characteristics. The New Moon also perfectly squared the transiting Nodes of the Moon in the sky, making this karmic theme relevant for all of us and the world at large.

The point of this project is to learn about myself and astrology by observing the stars and the events in life as they happen. My intention is to remain open to the meaning and experiences as much as possible as they happen to me seemingly naturally and avoid projecting what I already know about astrology onto the experience. However, the context going into the lunation definitely indicated some powerful lessons and experiences on the horizon.

The Lunation Cycle

The Critical and Waxing Phases

Fredo

Important meaning appeared for the critical phase immediately, the night of the exact New Moon. As I mentioned in the last lunation, when I moved out of the Hridaya retreat accommodations, I realized I had given my landlord the wrong dates of availability. Her properties were all booked up, but she was nice enough to set me up with a friend of hers who had a room available for one night named Fredo. Fredo is from Barcelona and seemed like a nice guy, a hippy enjoying the beach life. The room was a bit expensive at 350MXN for the night with no wifi, the same price I was paying my current landlord for a kingly suite on some occasions which included wifi. I even heard her giving him some shit in Spanish over the phone for the difference when she called.

That night, I was admittedly a little wired energetically with the echoes of the meditation retreat still fresh in my system and the New Moon, which always impacts my sleep patterns. However, any chance at a normal night of sleep was completely eradicated when I woke up after two hours at 1:30am to Fredo and a few of his friends coming home to hangout in the common area, enjoying some beverages and conversing loudly literally all night. All zenned out from meditation, this didn’t really even bother me that much at the time. I just used it as an opportunity to surrender to the reality, putting into practice the patterns from meditation. I punctuated the night with little sitting meditations, not to waste the awake time. At 4:30am I decided to leave and try to do my yoga practice at Hridaya in an unoccupied studio, which turned out great. As I passed the common area, Fredo and friends were unusually quiet and I was greeted with the highly spiritual hand over his heart and a nod. Or perhaps it was more of an apology than a greeting? I couldn’t tell.

As I walked back from yoga and meditation, the previous night’s event gnawed at me. After all this surrendering, I couldn’t figure out why. Something inside me felt it was wildly inappropriate to make arrangements to sleep at an “overpriced” rate and then not have a supportive environment. This wasn’t about the money, this is Mexico and everything is a good deal, it was about an inner sense of fairness. This grew and grew and I decided it would be a fair thing to expect a discount on the room. As I prepared to check out of the room, I checked in with my Heart asking if approaching the situation in this way was the right thing to do. Strangely, it was silent! I started to worry that all the transcendental meditation experiences were leaving me so quickly, with this minor issue becoming such a focus in my ego consciousness. As I checked out, I opted not to ask for the discount, but interjected a suggestive question, asking Fredo “how was last night?” in my most dry Spanish accent. He again, apologized, but happily accepted the full payment and headed back to the beach.

Glad to finally be out of the situation, I started walking down the road to move into my new princely accommodations when my Heart answered back to me. A quote from Sahajananda during the retreat came directly and clearly into my consciousness, “surrender is not inertia or being taken advantage of.” Through this experience, my inner sense of Truth in the matter was that a discount for the chaotic conditions was an acceptable thing, at least deserving of a request. My Heart had stayed strangely silent to allow my personality to react, giving me an opportunity to express this Truth and nudging my failure to do so into consciousness as a theme for the lunar cycle. I was not even 24 hours into the critical phase and I had a new keyword for the lunation, Truth.

This seed of inspiration challenging me to explore how I define and communicate my Truth continued to grow over the next few days of the critical phase. I had a few miscommunications with friends where I questioned first their authenticity, and then my own. I was also clearly noticing those moments where someone asks “how are you?” and caught myself responding with “good” or “great” even though I may have felt a little lonely or out of sorts. These little experiences got me contemplating the notion of one’s own personal Truth in a moment and cultivated a practice in observing and analyzing the subconscious patterns through which it expresses automatically. As I experienced odd sleep patterns adjusting to life outside the meditation retreat, I surrendered to this Truth of the moment, sleeping when I was tired and not attempting to force it when I wasn’t.

Speaking Astrology

The critical phase also planted some seeds toward experiencing a deeper connection to astrology itself. Adam Sommer released a podcast on Jupiter and Pluto, describing the expression of these two planets as “giant energy” and introducing his own term of “supernatural nomad.” I am very much a Jupiter person. There was a personal connection, a perception of an element of my current, inner Truth in this podcast and it spoke deeply to my current nomadic initiative. In a similar manner, I deepened my capacity to express myself and my connection to the archetypal Truths through astrology by finally getting around to doing an astrology reading I had promised my new friend from my last visit to Carroll Righter’s a month prior. I really dug into the reading and used all the techniques I’ve been drawn to, specifically focusing on the Moon and Saturn. That same evening, I was hanging out with another friend from Agama and Hridaya and performed a successful improvisational reading for him as well. Slowly, as I gain practice doing readings, I notice progress and greater meanings for myself and my “client”, but I also notice the emergence of a personal style which aligns closer and closer to my own personality. My astrology practice is slowly becoming my own, my own Truth. There was a glimmer of a thought as I contemplated the nature of the 10th house hosting this New Moon that perhaps astrology may play a role for me as a vocation, or participate in my public contribution to the world someday.

As the waxing phase continued past the critical point, my exploration of connecting to inner Truth expressed itself with more diverse experiences. A particular morning meditation was led by a meditation teacher holding a very calm and serene energy, who began with the phase “there is nothing left to do.” This phrase sort of triggered me at first as my personal approach to meditation and life in general has been one of chasing progress and accomplishment. I felt the transcendent nature of my retreat was catalyzed by my relentless search for more subconscious darkness to dive into and transmute, surrendering to. Her reminder challenged my process at first, but contemplating the experience led me to evaluate this attitude as a new approach to connect more deeply with my Self, appreciating a communion with my True Nature and listening in that place to better perceive my Truth. I also experienced some slight frustrations in making plans with other people. While frustrated, I turned to astrology to try and understand our differences. In doing so I uncovered some deep insights which turned into great healing opportunities when I got the chance to gently bring it up. I had a productive and inspiring personal meeting with Sahajananda, the teacher and leader of the Hridaya school. I expressed an interest in joining the teacher training program for next year of which he was encouraging. I wanted to connect with him to further explore if this school and community is a good place to continue my spiritual growth and left with a very strong feeling of confirmation in him as a teacher and the potential for my evolution. I had a distinct opportunity to practice speaking my Truth when my flights to meet my family in Puerto Vallarta for Christmas had an issue with the payment processing and my tickets weren’t issued. I spent some frustrating time on the phone and after the level of poor customer service and loss of faith in the ticket aggregator, I opted to take my business elsewhere despite a perceived inconvenience to book somewhere else. This decision actually ended up costing me less money in the end and I felt an inner satisfaction that I wasn’t supporting an entity that didn’t reciprocate with genuine care for my business.

Crisis of Body

The crisis of consciousness showed up in a painfully obvious way. The night after the critical phase I went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant with a friend and afterward had a bit of a chocolate craving. I don’t know exactly what it was, but I woke up the next morning with my stomach feeling decidedly uneasy and an instinctual revulsion to both chocolate and my Mexican dish, “tlayudas de champinones.” I didn’t feel terrible at first, but over the next few days, it graduated into a more unsettling case of Montezuma’s Revenge. The experience culminated on the night when the First Quarter Moon was exact, the square aspect putting the Moon in my 1st house, representing the physical body. I hadn’t really considered illness as a meaning for the 1st house, but this was a convincing way to learn of the potential. The sickness included some uncomfortable stomach and digestive pain. I mentioned in a previous post that I have struggled with pride. I feel that pride in someway is related to some unhealthy expressions of this Jupiter-Uranus conjunction over which the New Moon occurred. Pride and ego are also related to Manipura chakra, located over the naval and ruling the digestive fire. During the night, the worst of the pain and discomfort was surmounted when I abandoned the notion that I was victim of Montezuma and re-imagined the experience as a deep purification of my pride and discordant fire carried by the Moon to be transmuted by the physical body. The stomach aches began to echo the deep sensations I strive to surrender to in meditation and became signals of progress in improving character. It is said that physical pain is an expedient way to deal with negative karma and I began to cultivate gratitude for this experience.

In further responding to this crisis, I remembered my lessons about Truth. Faced with my routine of waking up at 4:30am to practice yoga at Hridaya and join the group meditation, I realized that my body and current state were asking for some additional rest. I also had a work obligation that taking this morning time for myself would help me prepare for. I have a fanatical tendency to stick to my routines and honoring this was more uncharacteristic than I imagine taking a sick day is for most people. I skipped my practice and meditation in the morning, honored my work commitment and spent the rest of the day relaxing, enjoying a cartoon and honoring the needs of my body. By the end of the day, I was feeling good enough to want to do a mini yoga practice and meditation on my own, managing to still somewhat fulfill my personal spiritual commitments.

Keywords

The remainder of the waxing period flowed easier and easier, insight and realization building and coming together with more meaning and complexity. One morning, I had been reading Who Am I, a dialogue between Ramana Maharshi and a philosopher-seeker on the process of self-enquiry. A particular question stood out:

16. What is the nature of the Self?

What exists in truth is the Self alone. The world, the individual soul, and God are appearances in it. Like silver in mother-of-pearl, these three appear at the same time, and disappear at the same time. The Self is that where there is absolutely no “I” thought. That is called “Silence”. The Self itself is the world; the Self itself is “I”; the Self itself is God; all is Siva, the Self.

This passage, with its lunar allusions (“silver”, “mother”, “pearl”) and direct reference of Truth, brought me a deep and profound understanding that Truth is the Self as understood in non-dualism and really is found within. The non-dualist teachings of Ramana Maharshi from Hridaya and my meditation experiences from last month converged to pull together immense meaning and a continuity of experience supporting my evolutionary process. Shortly after, near the end of the morning meditation, another pertinent keyword popped into my head, another building block, COHESION. Reflection on this word brought forth that the nature of Truth is a cohesion of opposite polarities represented by Sagittarius and Gemini, each with an inner and outer expression. Sagittarius seemed to represent a cohesion between our inner philosophies and definitions of Truth and the outer archetypes, the Universal Truths, which are alive in all of existence. Gemini seemed to represent a cohesion between our thoughts and feelings, our inner reality and our words and deeds, or expression of that reality through actions. By bringing the internal polarity of each of these astrological signs into its own balance; by aligning our beliefs with the forces of Nature and by speaking and acting from a connection to our internal state, we purify the expressions of Sagittarius and Gemini within us. An opportunity may follow to balance the expressions of Sagittarius and Gemini in their pure individual influences against each other, approaching a transcendental state of Unity Consciousness and understanding across this archetypal axis of the zodiac. This was heavy stuff.

Meaning continued to unfold through Adam Sommer’s following podcast with Ari Mosche on Jupiter and Uranus, a conjunction relationship I have natally which as mentioned, played a prominent role in this New Moon configuration. Ari’s insight suggested that any planet next to Uranus suggests an impulse that wants to be freed for expression. I definitely see this in my questioning and denial of early religious influence and 30 year quest to express my religious tendencies in an unconventional way. He also validated the vision that was forming for me by defining Sagittarius as about personal authenticity, self honesty and reminding that there is no “right” and “wrong,” supporting the personal nature of Truth.

One morning I invited my friend Dominque to breakfast with me. She has been interested and participating in the lunation cycle with me and we had been checking in with each other periodically. In sharing her “thing”, the crisis of action, she revealed a new keyword that has been coming up for her: PRESENCE. This struck a chord with me. I had not expected to be receiving more than one keyword for the lunar cycle, but I tucked this away to marinate on later. Our catch up was great and eventually evolved into an opportunity to deepen my practice by giving her a deep astrology reading from which she extracted a lot of meaning. She was sweet to buy my breakfast and last month’s reflections on Scorpio and the nature of exchange of energy were fulfilled and made me feel good.

A final meaningful keyword came to me via a Facebook post from my respected Uncle Dean, a man of God from the Christian tradition. He submitted an insightful post juxtaposing science against religion (Christianity), which tend to be perceived as contradictory. His insight was that both are really united as they are fundamentally quests for Truth. We exchanged some inspiration in the comments and he called me to question what role HUMILITY might play as my understanding of Truth unfolds. Another keyword.

Teacher!?

Heading toward the Full Moon, on the heels of my encouraging astrology with Dominique, the Sun headed into its exact conjunction with Saturn and my natal Nodes and my deep connection with that planet, now one of my favorites re-emerged. I realized how Saturn is another central component to my astrology practice and my own path in life. I thought a lot about teaching; my push-pull relationship with wanting a teacher versus the connection of the teacher I know I have inside, my Self. I also further considered the inner knowledge of my innate capabilities to teach, which I’m both drawn to and fearful of expressing. In this moment, I felt very inspired and called to apply for the Hridaya Yoga and Meditation Teacher Training Certification course which begins next September in 2017. I felt a deep, encouraging connection with Sahajananda and the community he has built here in Mazunte and I became convinced that this is a place to continue my development. I finished filling out the application form and sent it off, beginning the process of bringing the inspiration into reality. I have not applied with a vision of leading classes, wearing all white and leading a group in asana or meditation, I am applying to strengthen my connection to the teachings and deepen my own practice. However, something inside me reminds me I will always need to surrender to the will of the Universe.

Arrival (contains spoilers)

A final experience before the Full Moon processes began for me was in watching the movie Arrival which I had painstakingly bittorrented via the lacking Mazunte wifi over a magnitude of hours. It was also a terrible copy, filmed from a seat in the theatre. It turned out to be worth every second and grainy pixel. The movie is about the arrival of aliens on Earth and the experience of a linguist who is tasked with developing a language to communicate with them. Their language is one of circular symbols. As she learns and studies it, she realizes that the language itself conveys their advanced understanding and perspective about the nature of time and the Universe. As she immerses herself in it, she begins to have uncanny psychic experiences, the keys cracking the next layers of depth from the language coming through her dreams and memories, which appear from both the future and the past. As she studies, she begins to adopt their perspectives and their abilities. There is a special scene in the movie where the linguist illustrates to a group of military men that since China elected to use the game of Mahjong as a pictorial basis of communication with the visitors, their frame of interaction was colored by the dominance and conquering element inherent in any game or competition. Meanwhile, the rest of the nations are divided amongst themselves on how to deal with the aliens, China threatening war. She ends up saving the relationship with the aliens and bringing the nations to work together in unity by using and relying on messages from her future self thanks to the holistic perceptions of time and reality she has acquired.

This movie carried the heavy Sagittarian elements of symbol and meaning and I contemplated them deeply in its message on Truth. The importance of the language, the medium we use to understand the world, is paramount for it defines our ability to interact with each other and with the responsive nature of reality itself. Opening ourselves up to an expanded perception is possible and is exactly what is necessary to approach states of Unity Consciousness as individuals and unite collectively to heal the world. I encourage you, the reader, to watch the movie for further contemplations, but I decided that if I was ever called upon to define a language medium with aliens, I would use the Hebrew alphabet. Each letter of the alphabet has an important symbolic correspondence with a number, a principle, an astrological correspondence, a Tarot card, and most importantly, a deep archetypal idea. This language accommodates communication on many levels of depth and provides opportunities to access the inner layers of reality. Moreover, like the language of the aliens, it is circular in nature; the first letter numbering 0 means the same as the last letter number 22 and it’s archetypal message is the same but from a different perspective. The Alpha and Omega, the first and the last. The Fool of the Tarot.

Arcanum XXII: The Materialist



I contemplated that my own immersion in the symbolic language of astrology is actually changing my consciousness just like the linguist. As I understand the world in symbols, cycles, archetypal ideas and intelligent processes (Sagittarius), my connection to others, God and my Self is allowed greater perception and expression (Gemini), further evolution.

The Full Moon: The Realization

The events which took place which I am recognizing as the Full Moon realization, or message, actually began three days in advance of the Full Moon, as it entered the sign of Taurus and my 3rd house, the Gemini house, which rules thinking, writing and communication. During my morning asana practice, I had more insight that led to a cascade of mental messages and connections building upon my emerging understanding of Truth which lasted all morning. Reviewing the dualistic, recursive, fractal nature of Truth and its circular structure which I’ve already described, the additional dimension was it’s movable quality. Truth changes, and moves in a circle, making a cycle!

This is well supported by Sagittarius and Gemini being mutable signs. In Sagittarius, the prominent archetypes that govern the psyche and the outer world change more slowly and correspond to each other, “As above, so below.” The outer expression is most recognizable by observing long term outer planet movements, like Neptune’s prominence during the Summer of Love for example, and in a longer sense the symbolism and rise of Christianity with the emergence of the Piscean Age, or the speculation of the the yuga cycles of Hinduism. The inner expression can be observed in evaluating an individual’s “progressed” planetary movements which indicate the cycles and state of their personal psychological development. In either case, Sagittarius’ challenge is to purify and align the concepts we must accept for ourselves along with the spiritual, archetypal counterparts which are presently active in Nature. Gemini’s approach of Truth also changes according to the internal state of the individual, evident through awareness of thoughts, feelings and sensations. It’s message is to maintain a connection to the reality of this state in a given moment, adapting to changes quickly and aligning the communication and behavior of the individual to that inner reality.

This may not seem any more of a complete explanation that what I’ve already approached in this post, but the only way I can articulate the heavy meaning in this auspicious moment is that there was an instantaneous convergence of all the building block experiences and contemplations that had let up to this point, a moment of gnosis. This description of Truth through Sagittarius and Gemini, along with emphasis on the circle, merged together with the Hebrew alphabet and therefore the symbolism of the Tarot. Following the circle as a symbol of infinity, the teachings of Ramana Maharshi of the Heart as the infinite center of our being, our True Self, joined the momentary tapestry. I know Truth is found within, by connecting to the Heart and purifying that organ of knowledge as a tool for connecting with the inner Self, our True Nature, which is of the same infinite and universal substance as God, which IS God itself for the Infinite can not “contain” a fragment of the Infinite.

Flowing with gratitude for Ramana and the Hridaya meditation methodology, a tool that was very useful for me in the meditation retreat came to mind called The Four Attitudes. I used these steps Sahajananda outlines as a reliable methodology to get back in the flow of meditation when I had lost “my mojo”, “the groove” or concentration while sitting. Remembering this process sparked a final practical addition to my deepening relationship with Truth in that moment. By compiling and meditating on the keywords I had received from myself and others, I formed my own threefold process, a theory I hope becomes a reliable tool to reconnect to the Truth within and ground these insights into reality:

PRESENCE is necessary to perceive Truth. HUMILITY is necessary to accept Truth. COHESION is necessary to live Truth.

I believe this process of reconnecting will play a valuable role in the upcoming waning lunar phase to put these ideas into practice.

This beautiful, instantaneous moment of realization was accompanied by a confirming and incredibly powerful rush of energy throughout my entire being. I was fucking wired. All I could think of in the moment was gratitude for the insights and a sharp desire, a need to share them with other people, to share the excitement and the energy with the world. At that instant, the idea and image of this exact blogging project popped into my mind and I accepted it as a mission without hesitation.

From that moment on, I began to work. As a web engineer, building the tools for the website was actually pretty easy. In my experience, forming the concept for the site, the goals, the mental structure and generating the content is usually the hard part. The activity itself of building the site over the next three days became an exercise and practice in connecting to Truth. I had to tap into myself and connect with my intention behind the platform. I had be careful not to get carried away to over-complexity in building tools, limiting my efforts and the vision to the initial needs to launch near the Full Moon, yet support the potential for growth. I have to constantly practice connecting to my Heart to make sure what I write is based in my own Truth and authentic. As I kept working, the vision and inspiration of the project began to evolve naturally and I surrendered to it, reworking some pieces to support a fuller expression of the idea. Throughout this whole time I was filled with inspirational energy, needing very little sleep and driven to work passionately. Surrendering to the waves of inspiration, listening to my mind and body for signals to sleep, rest or jump in the Ocean without expecting a normal schedule has become a further practice.

With all the energy that’s being channeled into this project and all the time spent working, a deeper connection and meaning to the word Realization is emerging. As opposed to just a mental impression, or insight, I am reminded of another message from the Tarot, Arcanum IV, whose divinatory meaning is “Realization.” This card signifies the final phase of the sacred four-fold process of creation. It is the completion, the result of the creative process as a mental solution, a finished product, a child from union. It is the fruits of action coming to completion. It’s message is as follows;



Remember, then, son of earth, that nothing can resist a

firm will which has for a lever the knowledge of the true

and just. To combat in order to secure its realization is

more than right; it is a duty. The man who triumphs in

that struggle only accomplishes his earthly mission; he who

succumbs in devoting himself to it, gains immortality. If

the Sovereign should appear in the prophetic signs of thy

horoscope, it signifies that the realization of thy hopes

depends upon a being more powerful than thyself. Seek to

know him and thou shalt have his support.

Arcanum IV: The Sovereign



This lunar cycle is seems different than the last two prior in that I feel I am actively working with the process, intelligently participating in the process and this project is the tangible result of that effort.

There is obviously great personal meaning and significance for me with this initiative. As I mentioned in the background section, the recent lunar cycles have brought to consciousness a frustrated need for self-expression. With the Full Moon in the 5th house, the house of Leo, my Sun sign, this project marks an important step forward in trying to heal that wound (Chiron) and continue unfolding into my Spirit’s present purpose of self expression. Additionally, this lunation marks the first Full Moon since my personal progressed Full Moon became exact on December 1st, an important turning point in my own psychological development. Right now is a very auspicious and necessary time for me to step forth and start sharing with the world all that is coming to Light from the past psychological lunation cycle starting in 2001. This project is a celebration of all that meaning.

Last night, I attended a Hridaya party honoring the recent TTC graduates. During the party I had the opportunity to give another improvisational astrology reading. During that brief experience, a familiar opportunity for frustration began to appear as surrounding people came over to listen, starting to interrupt with uncomfortable jokes, distracting focus and concentration and ultimately dissolving the whole enterprise. I surrendered and smiled inwardly knowing another vehicle for self expression awaits.

Tonight a few hours after the Full Moon is exact, I’m finishing this post as the Full Moon finally peeks out from behind the clouds. I think I’ll go back down to the beach to meet her by the Ocean for some quick but intimate eye-gazing and then prepare to share her secrets with you.

ADDED: December 25, 2016

The Waning Phase

Post-launch: Duck and Cover

After launching this project two weeks ago, I realized that despite reaching such a meaningful milestone, not much changed in terms of my personal energy. I was still wired, still inspired, still filled with giant Jupiterian energy, but had nothing left TO DO. As this energy continued to build, but without the familiar outlets of writing and coding I had been channeling the last few days, I started to feel a bit twitchy, over-caffeinated or cracked-out depending on your frame of reference. Without direction, I found myself using the energy in naturally Geminian fashion, paying tribute to my years in digital marketing by sharing the post on social media outlets and monitoring the analytics to gauge the engagement, perceiving and projecting who was interesting in my creation. As this drew on, I noticed it start to take on an addictive, unhealthy quality, sort of like spending all day checking one’s Facebook feed.

As this process came to consciousness and I forced myself to calm down, be less action-oriented and return to awareness and contemplation, the gravity of what I had just done and the experience I was having began to set in, along with some new perspectives I hadn’t anticipated. What the fuck had I just done? In publishing this project, I had just word-vomited an uncut, unabridged stream of raw, pure Truth from the absolute core of my being. Just as the Moon entered into Cancer, I had these deep, uncontrollable feelings of nervousness, vulnerability, doubt and fear. I had just laid bare my Soul in a given moment and ejaculated its Heartfelt messages for anyone and everyone to criticize. I felt like the crab depicting Cancer. I felt a sense of clinging, emotional attachment to my creation which I hadn’t expected. I felt like I wanted to crawl back into my shell. I felt naked, like the maiden pictured on the Tarot card for Gemini, for Truth:

Of course, this came with another somewhat disconcerting realization about the nature of Truth itself; the inherent quality and feeling of vulnerability that comes with raw, authentic expression. To be honest, if I hadn’t been so inspired in the moment and leapt without knowing what lay ahead, I may have not carried this project through.

The cracked-out phase of sharing and traffic-monitoring came with a genuine excitement for releasing my Self-expression to the world, but it also came with a dark side. I noticed myself projecting subconscious expectations and projects on other people, my perceived audience. I wondered whether specific people had read my work, whether they cared about it. In some cases, a lack of simple acknowledgement of my project was sort of painful. I don’t expect many people to connect with, agree or even like the subject matter I have written, but I considered sending it out at least a decent opportunity to personally connect. There were also some old wounds that surfaced in remembering all the support I’ve given others for their various modes of self-expression over past years, and not receiving acknowledgement or reciprocation. Of course, all of this was based in my own projections and undue expectations, but the feelings of pain and resentment in the moment were a distinct reality at the time.

I contemplated the Sun and Saturn in the 11th house of social groups, our “tribes” in the world. It became a distinct reality that the changes I’m experiencing may coincide with changes in those groups. Perhaps the 11th house principle as opposite the 5th house principal of self-expression could be considered our “audience” in a certain way. In Saturnine fashion, I confronted feelings of loneliness and alienation from my common support groups, and in turn, I started to question my own authenticity for this project. Where did these expectations and disappointments come from? If this was truly a pure platform and vehicle for self-expression, why did it matter who appreciated it or not? Some feedback I received made clear how my intentions and message were distorted in translation and some people offered ideas on how to change the format to be more relatable. Should I alter my expression to make it more appealing for others? Tailor it for more engagement or advertise for greater readership?

In this opportunity to confront these subconscious tendencies, I grounded myself back in the project mission statement. The purpose of this work is not to gather an audience or for other people to read it, it is to express myself truly and genuinely. While I did have a particularly potent experience this month that led to the project, the goal of the work itself is not even to accurately convey those states of consciousness or my limited understanding of Universal mysteries using words. Attempting to do so is an impossible task. The goal of this project is to record and explore my experiences in the context of the Moon, using the cycle to evolve more completely and sharing the process with others. I found a degree of solace in knowing that what I had already written was deeply authentic in that moment, and its Truth remains, even if my lingering attachments to how others receive it exposes some fear and trepidation. These feelings were gifts of awareness, opportunities to acknowledge and adjust them further. Such is the business of transformation, shining Light into darkness.

During this time, I attended an afternoon meditation at Hridaya when I was particularly wired and energetically chaotic. Entering the meditation in this state I used the methodology to direct these energies to my Heart and sublimated the energies there. I left the meditation feeling calm, relaxed and centered. This experience was an important reminder of the interior and exterior nature of expressing energy. I realized that I had just spent the last days channeling this intense energy through myself, in the creation of something outside, in the external world. This experience was an important reminder that another option exists, the interiorization of these energies, the evolution of my being esoterically, the opening of my Heart. Although this realization was incredibly relieving, it did provoke additional doubts. Should I have spent more of my time during these potent days meditating? Was inspired, borderline chaotic self-expression the ‘wrong’ use of this energetic opportunity?

In response to all this inner chatter, I had to land somewhere. I resolved to continue writing for this cycle with the same unabashed attitude, stepping into my fears of expression. I decided to discard brevity as a value in my writing, writing for me and capturing all the essential experiences that built meaning in my personal story of the lunation. I re-committed to the same format, which may confuse readers, but pays homage to the process of and cycle of the Moon. However, to honor the mutable, adaptable lessons of Sagittarius and Gemini, I set intentions to remain open to growing as a writer and integrated some ideas to help readers find important content without a complete investment of attention in my ramblings.

Tantra is Love, Tantra is Healing

Perfectly coincident with the Moon transitioning from Cancer to Leo, the sign of Love and creative Self expression, a great healing opportunity presented itself. It didn’t seem pertinent at the time, but during the critical lunar phase, I had entertained the idea of joining a three day Tantra workshop at the school. I had loosely planned on it, but didn’t sign up until the last minute. The day before, I went to sign up online, only to find out that it was fully booked. I wrote the staff an email asking if there were any openings, but they confirmed it was an impossibility. I resolved to go to meditation the next day and inquire in person, either joining on the spot or accepting the missed opportunity. Low and behold, I was granted entry to the workshop as one of the girls at the desk had withdrawn. I initially felt this would be a good opportunity to exchange some of this pent up energy in a social environment and get to know some people in the community at a deeper level. I didn’t expect the teachings to directly address the inner turmoil I had been dealing with and provide a framework to understand and heal.

As we began, there was a healing energy of acceptance in the room. We meditated, danced and moved our bodies which got the energy flowing and cultivated more sublime feelings from those of insecurity, doubt and fear. Meaning unfolded in a deeply personal way as the retreat leader outline the various stages in the process of Loving.

4 Stages of Human Love

One Loves only when one is Loved first. One Loves spontaneously, but wants to be Loved in return. One Loves even if one is not Loved, but wants their Love to be accepted. One Loves purely and simply without any other need or joy than that of Loving. Loving for the sake of Love.

As she outlined this process, I felt a sense self-acceptance and recognition. I realized that I am somewhere between stages two and three. All of the expectations and projections I had unconsciously been putting on my perceived audience and the emotional wounds and attachments I was navigating were products of the fact I am not fully realized in the true expression of Love. In realizing my current state of maturity in expressing Love, I could forgive myself for not being all the way there in this present moment. This project is all about deepening evolution, working in accordance with the Universe for spiritual progress. It is a continuing process, there is more work to do. I can be easier on myself, witnessing and releasing my expectations of others, growing with and appreciating that process.

Which Crisis?

As the crisis point of the waning phase approached, I was presented with various difficulties or provocations to action but determining which one constituted the crisis in action turned out to be rather unclear. One notable situation culminated as the Moon made an exact quincunx aspect to Pluto, which is transiting my natal Moon in Capricorn. The Moon was in Leo, in my 7th house of interpersonal relationships. I had a challenging interaction with another guy at the yoga school. I had been dealing with a building irritation in little interruptions and annoyances in common conversations as I tried to get to know other people. It was fascinating to me that while it seemed nobody paid me much mind when I was alone, whenever I began talking to someone, there was a myriad of immediate interruptions which prevented me from deepening a friendship.

In particular, I was getting to know a girl who practiced yoga next to me early in the mornings. Every five seconds a different person came over to interject until eventually someone drew her away on an “urgent” mission. One of the people who interjected was a guy I had met at the earlier party briefly. He had introduced himself, but I was so overwhelmed with the Gemini group energy I didn’t have the focus to pay him enough attention to truly get to know him. As we sat down to lunch, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and open a conversation to try and connect in a light, Geminian fashion. I was disappointed to observe that our conversation took a rather comparative, competitive turn. I recognized our egos were challenging each other for the “teacher” role in the relationship. At the end of the exchange, I was frustrated that my effort to connect had been met with a divisive experience and was disappointed in my own unconscious participation in the pissing match.

For whatever reason, I couldn’t let the feelings surrounding this go easily, they kept bubbling up. When I glanced at the astrology of the moment, it became clear that this experience was one which was bringing more of the deeply unconscious (Pluto) ego (Leo) and need for recognition (Moon Capricorn) to the surface through and experience of another person (7th house). This guy was mirroring a dark aspect of myself back to me. Accepting this gave an opportunity to reflect on how often I, myself, have stifled other people’s attempts to connect with me, turning almost every conversation into an intense therapy session or philosophical lesson on life. It was kind of a tough reality to confront, but a valuable one. This realization showed me that between the polarity that exists between Sagittarius and Gemini, my current state is so very imbalanced toward Sagittarian philosophy and big ideas. I truly have a long way to go in balancing this teeter-totter of my character and learning to connect and accept people in a healthy way. I remembered the way this guy approached me at the party, with a nice compliment and a genuine interest in getting to know me, and how I reacted by brushing him off a little. This experience was coming back on me and it was a true mirror. I contemplated that this might be the big crisis, that it might be calling me to confront him and explain what I’ve learned from him and the interaction. My Heart wasn’t particularly suggestive though and I didn’t want to force anything with my ego, so I waited to see if a situation would present itself where that felt right, and it didn’t turn out that way, or maybe I just chickened out? We had some healing conversations which followed in the next few days, but I settled with projecting genuine gratitude toward him for teaching me about myself in such powerful fashion.

Another experiential candidate for the crisis in action was a connection I had with a woman in the Tantra class. At the moment, it didn’t feel like much of a crisis, as we shared some beautiful experiences during the exercises and final ceremony. However, as we made plans to hang out afterwards, I felt some familiar subconscious reactions of closing down and fear of opening up to someone else. It is so weird that at times I am lonely and crave connection, but when the opportunity presents itself, the fear of such connection impinging on my sense of personal freedom rises with a controlling interest. We went out to dinner and got to know each other, discovering some beautiful similarities in our world views and upbringing. I often also identify with a fear of intimacy based on potential expectations someone may cast on me. While this experience was in the end mostly fun and socially rewarding, perhaps my acquiescence to saying “yes” to the situation amidst past conditioning constituted a personal victory in pushing forward a new mode of behavior.

Over the next few days, I got back to work as the Sun entered Capricorn and the intensity of the Full Moon really waned off. I got back to getting more sleep, recovering and taking a break from all the processing and transformation. Saying my goodbyes and leaving Hridaya, I began the journey up north to Puerto Vallarta to meet my family for the week of Christmas, which has been amazing. It’s been so great to catch up with them after so many personal experiences and transformations this past year.

Of one final note pertaining to the lunar cycle, the final semi-square challenge may have reared its head last night on Christmas Eve. Occurring with the Moon in Scorpio, I had the opportunity to recount my experiences in Thailand to my family and interest naturally turned to what I had learned of Tantra while there. As I observed, rather than willed, my Truth flowed unabashedly and unashamedly in articulating what I had learned and some of my experiences. This was important and surprising because I don’t consider that sexuality has always been an open topic in my home environment. Tantra and its concepts carry a social taboo and the conservatism of my family would have made me nervous to share its nature with my parents. To my surprise, the conversation was received with an open mind and a respect for the healing aspect and spirituality inherent in the practice.

Conclusions

This was obviously a very powerful lunation for me. One of the initial conclusions I’ve been contemplating is an interconnection between the lunar cycle and the other goings-ons inherent in the cosmos at the same time. The Jupiter-Uranus opposition obviously had a huge impact on my personal experience. Additionally, Mercury started retrograding in Capricorn during the waning phase. I was initially questioning which events and learnings are a product of the Sun-Moon relationship and which are more reliant on other factors. However, I think the real learning here is to expand toward a holistic view of astrology and slowly work toward an integrated perspective appreciating that all of these influences are working together and at a certain level can not be separated in interpretation. Of particular interest was that the Jupiter-Uranus energy was incredibly palpable during the Full Moon, which makes me conjecture that the Light of consciousness brought by the lunation cycle provides an opportunity for a greater awareness and experience of ALL the energetic negotiations acting during that phase or moment.

I have also been contemplating the idea that this lunation is the first since I started observing the Moon which took place in an angular house, my 10th house. Angular houses in the chart symbolize the beginnings of something, an initiative. I find it interesting that this month’s experience held the birth of a new personal project. I think it will be interesting to observe how this project and the motivation behind it changes as the Moon proceeds through the stabilizing 11th house and the cadent 12th house.

The realizations in this lunar phase were powerful but also had an element of chaos. While I felt genuinely inspired and productive during the Full Moon, the unexpected emotional fallout and projections on my audience caused feelings of dispersion. I am not sure if this means there was an element of failure in receiving and integrating the message. Also, the slight confusion about what symbolized the last quarter crisis makes me question how successful I was in picking this all up. In total, I think I integrated the Sagittarian part of the polarity magnificently, but am acutely aware of my relationship to Gemini which is timid, incomplete and needs practice. This shows me where I’m at in balancing these aspects of my own inner nature, and reveals personal patterns to observe and witness, to work with in the future.

If nothing else, I do realize the emergence of a more natural tendency to express myself openly and honestly, unashamedly. I am not sure if this is the “right” lesson, as I am aware that true wisdom embodies prudence, the speaking of the appropriate Truth at the appropriate time. However, there are some steps forward here for me somehow by standing up for myself and embracing my vulnerability. Despite my reservations after launching this project, I have followed through in expressing an open and honest depiction of the waning phase. As the Moon reveals new secrets, messages and lessons, perhaps the posts that follow won’t be so open and vulnerable, but most likely they won’t be an embodied experience whose central core is the naked Truth.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone, as many traditions with various symbolism celebrate the birth of a Light of consciousness into the world at the darkest time of winter's consciousness. May the coming year bring all beings more Light, Love and Life.

With Love from the Heart,

Carlucci

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