

serap999

I felt the same way about my son for 5 months. He had colic that lasted for 4 months and then sleep training for 1 month and all through it, I felt very little empathy for him. I felt disconnected from him and I didn't like him.

He cried all day and all night until at 16 weeks, he finally got medicine for reflux. Then things got a little bit better, but it was too late for me. I was big time PPD and didn't know it. I suffered in silience.

My marriage was in shambles and we were becoming abusive towards eachother. We almost split up when my son was 7 months old, but we ended up making up best we could instead.

When my son was 8 months old, he began waking up again like a newborn. He would cry in the middle of the night for 2 hours and I would try everything to get him to stop. My husband and I would yell at eachtother during these episodes. This went on for 2.5 months. We were exhausted again and then my husband distanced himself from us by spending any free time he had, renovating our home, fixing the garden, etc.

This just made me more depressed. Finally, when my son was 11 months old, he began sleeping again and become much easier during the day as well. It was such a relief!!!

My poor daughter had to witness all of this. She was 2 years and 3 months old when my son was born. I had very little patience with her and I yelled at her a lot. I was miserable and just wanted an exit. I had no outside help at all and to this day, I am still angry with some of my family and friends for how little empathy and help I received.

Most people just don't understand PPD. They think I should just snap out of it.

My live-in nanny arrived when my son was 12 months old, so I finally was able to rest and get out of the house without my kids. It was a start, but I still felt very overwhelmed, anxious and depressed. I returned to work when my son was 13 months and began exercising again. I started to feel a little better (it was a relief to get away from my son).

Slowly over the last month, I have begun to really fall in-love with my son. I am excited to come home to him. We have finally bonded. I am finally beginning to repair my marriage and feel happy again.

I was on Zoloft 2 weeks ago and stopped taking it b/c I had a bad reaction. I visited a herbalist and began taking Vitex, Black Cohosh (to regulate my harmones) and Melatonin (to help me have more REM sleep). These herbs have worked like a charm!!! I have better quality sleep now and my PMS is not nearly as bad this month. The herbalist told me that my harmones are probably still out of whack and that is what is causing my mood fluctuations.

If you feel PPD, GET HELP AS SOON AS THE SYMPTOMS BEGIN. Don't suffer in silence like I did. I never asked for help and I wish I did b/c now I don't qualify for the PPD programs because I am more than 12 months PP.