I was Googling around to see if there were any documented studies of health issues that might affect our new little girl when I stumbled onto this subreddit. It deeply concerned me and my wife and we had a long conversation exploring the validity of these issues as they might pertain to us an our family. Since we're already going down this path, I'd love to get some feedback on how to do our very best to avoid the same mistakes many WMAF parents make. With that in mind, I have a few questions:

(a) I've been having a serious reality check with myself. Did I marry my wife because she was simply "easier" than white women? I'd be lying if I said that wasn't true in part. To me, the problem with American women--both Asian and white--was not that they too much of me, but that they expected very little of themselves. That is, I found them to be very entitled and difficult. I was looking to lead a family according to a more patriarchal model, and the first marriage-quality woman I've met that was open to this was Japanese. Though some people have a "race fetish", would cultural considerations be a more legitimate reason to intermarry? Or are these two sides of the same coin?

(b) One of the biggest problems I see mentioned in this subreddit is the "tiger mom" problem. When I read those stories, it seems that the problem is less that mom is raising her kids with an intrinsic hate for their own race, and more that dad is nowhere to be found. Our family model is of a captain and first mate, sailing the ship in the same direction. So when mom is raising the children, ideally she will be taking the ship in the same direction that dad would. Conversely, we plan on homeschooling, and I hope to be very involved in teaching and cultivating our children. Would an involved and interested dad circumvent some of the struggles discussed here? Or is there more to it that I'm not understanding?

(c) Another issue discussed is shame of Asian heritage in WMAF relationships. I found a number of articles detailing that most out of all "successful" hapas have Asian last names and thus we assume AMWF. I would be lying if I didn't have some disappointment with Japanese culture; I've met a lot of very subdued Japanese men and it's disappointing to me. That said, I have both disdain and respect for parts of both American and Japanese culture. There are some things each of them do better, some things each of them do worse. And, since our little girl will always be known by her western family name, we've decided to name her Hatsumi （初美） so that she may be known as equal parts American and Japanese. Is there anything else we can do along these lines?

I know some will read and immediately think "it's too late, you've already failed by being white and marrying Asian." I've talked to white supremacists with the same point of view. I think it would be naive to think it's going to be easy, but I want to be prepared and do the best that I can. I appreciate your constructive feedback.