ST. GEORGE, Utah — One bond among many of the members of the Gay-Straight Alliances in Utah high schools is a history of secrecy, depression and even self-loathing in a community where gay children have sometimes been shunned at church or kicked out of their homes.

A few years ago, Jason Osmanski came close to committing suicide. Today, he is the leader of the new Gay-Straight Alliance at Snow Canyon High School — one more step forward for the 17-year-old in an often torturous process of asserting his identity.

He was only 7, he said, when he realized that his crush on his best male friend was a deeper attraction. He was attending a Baptist church, where he heard that homosexuality was a sin, and as early as age 8, he recalled, “I believed that if I didn’t change, I’d go to hell.”

He prayed harder and went to church more, he said, and he tried punishing himself in hopes that it would make a difference. He snapped a rubber band on his wrist every time he “had these feelings,” he said, until at one point he bled.

Advertisement Continue reading the main story

Jason turned to an Internet support group, where someone advised him to tell his secret to the parent he trusted most — in a public place, in case the response was violent.