Simon Day and his characters welcome listeners to The Mallard, a small provincial theatre somewhere in the UK. Each week one of Simon's characters come to perform at The Mallard and we hear the highlights of that night's show along with the backstage and front-of-house goings on at the theatre itself.

In show one the theatre is visited by acclaimed Yorkshire poet, Geoffrey Allerton (Simon Day). Geoffrey reads poems and excerpts from his recent memoir "Marking Time" and struggles to get a hot meal from sound and lighting technician, Goose (Felix Dexter). Meanwhile in the bar two local mums are getting to know each other over several bottles of wine.

Cast list:

Geoffrey Allerton ..... Simon Day

Anna / Claire ..... Catherine Shepherd

Sarah ..... Arabella Weir

Goose ..... Felix Dexter

Ron Bone ..... Simon Greenall

Written by Simon Day

Produced by Colin Anderson.