6. No Way Everyone Who Saw Spider-Man's Face Would Keep It Secret

People are assholes. People on the subway are even worse assholes. There's no chance in hell that a subway car full of people would see the most famous person in the world and all agree to shut up about it for their entire lives. The most unrealistic part of this movie is that some dickhead didn't whip out their camera phone and ruin the moment for everyone. It's just human nature.

7. While we're at it, what the hell was that train doing in the first place?

It's never explained what the above-ground train careening around Manhattan is actually for. At no point in the 10-minute fight scene between Spider-Man and Doc Ock does there seem to be a stop that they pass, or any kind of destination at all. At some point the track just ends, hundreds of feet off the ground, overlooking the sea. Were the people in the train part of some suicide pact and actually planning on blasting into the ocean anyway and Spider-Man fucked it up? That would be great.

8. Harry gets super-convenient temporary amnesia after whacking his head on a pipe

At one point Harry Osborn flies his glider into a horizontal pipe and falls unconscious. When he wakes up, literally the only thing he's forgotten is anything to do with Spider-Man. What is this, a RoadRunner cartoon?

9. Mary-Jane gets engaged to prove a point

Roughly 20 hours after a sexual tension-filled argument with Peter, Mary-Jane gets engaged to some goober astronaut. What? Not only has she never once mentioned him, but it's pretty obvious she doesn't love him at all, essentially telling Peter "it could have been you dude but you missed my play". Here's a hot dating tip for all of you to remember: don't get engaged because your friend was late to something.

10. They were successful enough to reboot into 2 even worse movies

The Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies were stupid, but they were good-stupid, in the same way ice skating at the Olympics is stupid. The rebooted movies are bad-stupid, in the same way Donald Trump is stupid. However bad Spider-Man 3 turned out, it was nowhere near as awful as what came after. I'll take that inexplicable dancing scene over Paul Giamatti's Russian accent any day.

OTHER ARTICLES ABOUT BEING BOTHERED BY STUFF:



10 Parts In The Indiana Jones Movies That Still Bother Me



12 Parts In The Ghostbusters Movies That Still Bother Me



10 Things That Still Bother Me About Hocus Pocus