One of the most common questions I’ve seen on college boards is, “How do I make friends?” Sadly, I see the same answers over and over again, so don’t worry, I’m not here to tell you to join a club or be yourself or just start talking to people. I’m here to give you the introvert’s perspective for those of you who find those answers about as useful as a white crayon.

Making friends was the hardest thing I encountered when I started college, because I’m about as socially incapable as it gets. Adults love to tell me that this is a byproduct of the “Internet generation,” and to them I say, yes! Yes it is. And I shall make the most of it, because I know I’m not alone.

Every time I called home or talked to anyone outside of school, their first question would always be, “So, have you made any friends yet?” Let me tell you, it gets really old really fast to have to remind others and yourself on a daily basis how much of a social failure you are.

“No, no I haven’t,” I’d say, and then I’d get to hear a ten minute lecture on how I needed to just start talking to people.

That is great advice. It’s actually the best advice out there, except for the tiny problem that I do not possess the magic gene everyone else has that allows me to “just start talking to people.” I’m a good talker, I can be interesting and nice and funny and carry out fantastic conversations. But I can’t start those conversations. I would never.

I’m not sure if it’s the fear of bothering other people or the fear of not knowing how to approach someone without looking like a total creep stalker, but for whatever reason, it’s out of the question for me to initiate contact with somebody I don’t know. But there are ways to get around this, so read on for tips on how to find friends without a word.

I first discovered this method on my way to class when I spotted a girl wearing an unmistakable Doctor Who t-shirt. I instantly felt like we were best friends! We had so much in common! In that case, I couldn’t help but tell her how much I loved her shirt, and we both walked away with a smile on our face, feeling a little less lonely.

I decided to test this method in Philosophy class, otherwise known as “Everyone Sits Silently While the Professor Tries to Lead a Discussion” class. We happened to be discussing a theory on bodily identity one day when all I could think about was how much the lesson related to Doctor Who and regeneration and memory and linear psychology, so I spoke up about it because I was just so excited, and almost every head in the room whipped around in glee and started chattering. Woah, I had hit a nerve! Where did they all suddenly come from?

Both these incidents reminded me of a favorite Shel Silverstein poem.

She had blue skin.

And so did he.

He kept it hid

And so did she.

They searched for blue

Their whole life through,

Then passed right by –

And never knew.

So here is my advice: wear your blue. The thing about introverts is that we all have a secret desire to lead hidden behind our shyness. That’s why we’re so quiet- we care what we say, how we say it, and what happens when we say it. We care about other people and about what’s going on around us, and that speaks volumes. All it takes is for one of us to open up about our little “blue” side and we’ll all start doing it. You know what it’s like, one little spark starts it off and all of a sudden you’re in an all-out screaming fit about how beautiful Benedict Cumberbatch is or how pissed you are that Fifty Shades of Grey has outsold Harry Potter on Amazon UK (I know, it’s heartbreaking) and before you know it you’re both crying on the floor about your OTPs and the world just feels right again. Dare to be the one that does it first.

Start by buying or making yourself some swag (yuck, sorry for the language) covered in things you love. It could be a t-shirt of your favorite band or TV show or movie or book or anything. Drop quotes into your convos when you get the chance. Basically, just nerd out. Nerd out over what you love because everyone has something to nerd out about, they just don’t always show it. As author John Green puts it, “Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it.”

Dare to blatantly love whatever you love and wear it on your sleeve, literally. Someone else out there loves it just as much as you do, but of course you’re both too shy to say anything- admit it- so you may never know unless you can find introvert-friendly ways to show it off. I personally recommend ThinkGeek.com, a magical wonderland of fangirl attire and accessories, for all your nerd gear needs.

So bear it loud and proud, fellow introverts, and don’t forget to be awesome.