All joking aside, we know we're not living in Lost because there's no island like the island. After all, if there were a mysterious island out there with a mysterious temple and a smoke monster and a glowing cave featuring the source of all life, we'd know about it.

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Unless, of course, it was North Sentinel Island.

In 1867, a group of shipwrecked Indian sailors ended up on a beach on the edge of the island, and after surviving a shitstorm of arrows, they got the hell off. Then a few years later, an escaped convict made it to the island. This time, the natives didn't shoot arrows at him. Probably because they were too busy slitting his throat.

For some reason, the island's unofficial motto, "Come for the shitstorm of arrows, stay for the throat-slitting!" didn't attract any visitors until 1974, when a bunch of anthropologists decided they would "win the natives' friendship by friendly gestures and plenty of gifts," in the words of one of them. So they landed on the beach out of arrow range, left behind a pig and some toys, and then got the hell back on their boat. They were delighted when the natives approached and accepted the gifts. They were less delighted when the natives fired yet another shitstorm of arrows at them, hitting one member of their party in the leg.

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Since then, a few hardy souls have kept trying to make friendly contact. One group even managed to land, get inland, and find a native village--but it was completely deserted. Wisely, they hightailed it back to their boat before the clock struck arrowing time. In 1991, some anthropologists managed to make friendly, non-arrow-related contact and it seemed like the civilized world could finally set foot on the world's last unexplored land. Then, bizarrely, the Indian government made it illegal for anybody to visit the island. Nobody knows exactly why, but the Coast Guard is now arresting people who get too close.

So, to summarize, here's everything mankind knows about North Sentinel Island:

1. Inhabited.

2. Arrowlicious.

3. Mysteriously deserted village.

4. Indian government engaged in massive cover-up of ancient mystical source of life.

5. Did we mention the arrows?

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OK, so we're extrapolating a little bit on number four. We can't prove that North Sentinel Island is the home of a mysteriously four-toed foot, a smoke monster and a frozen donkey wheel. But you can't prove it's not. So we choose to believe that the North Sentinel Islanders are hiding something awesome, which will only be revealed in reality's shocking two-part series finale.

But if it turns out that reality doesn't have a cool end-game in mind and has just been making it all up as it goes along, we are going to be pissed.

Jacob Sager Weinstein is the co-author of the Government Manual for New Wizards, the Government Manual for New Pirates and The Government Manual for New Superheroes. You can buy them here.

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