The family fled Laos in March 1979 because the communists threatened to take away Mr. Sinthasomphone's rice farm in a village near the Laotian capital of Vientiane, said Kongpheth Vonghasouk, who is married to Mr. Sinthasomphone's eldest daughter, Thaeone.

"The communists tried to get his land and that's why he escaped," Mr. Vongphasouk said. "They also tried to get him because they said he did something wrong, but he didn't do anything wrong."

Thailand, which offered a refugee for Laotians and Cambodians fleeing repressive regimes at home, lay just across the Mekong River. Mr. Sinthasomphone built a canoe and sent his entire family across the river late one night, with the youngest children drugged with sleeping pills so they would not cry and attract the notice of soldiers near the river, Mr. Vongphasoukh said.

A few days later, Mr. Sinthasomphone swam the river himself, and was reunited with the rest of his family in a refugee camp where they lived for a year. At the camp, the family made contact with representatives of American-based refugee relocation programs and, with the help of a relocation program supported by Catholic archdiocese in Milwaukee, the family moved to the city in 1980.

In the past decade, the Sinthasomphone children have become acclimated to their new lives and are fluent English speakers. Several of the older ones have taken jobs as welders, machinists or assembly line workers to support themselves and their parents. The parents have had a harder time adjusting to their new home and speak little English.

Their lives here have not been easy but they felt America offered more opportunities and a better quality of life than what they had left behind, said one son, Anouke, 27.

But since Konerak's remains were found in Mr. Dahmer's apartment last week, Mr. Sinthasomphone has been asking why he moved his family to America.

Advertisement Continue reading the main story

"My father-in-law said: 'I escaped the communists and now this happens. Why?' " Mr. Vongphasouk said. "I feel very sorry. I didn't think something like this would ever happen."

Newsletter Sign Up Continue reading the main story Please verify you're not a robot by clicking the box. Invalid email address. Please re-enter. You must select a newsletter to subscribe to. Sign Up You will receive emails containing news content , updates and promotions from The New York Times. You may opt-out at any time. You agree to receive occasional updates and special offers for The New York Times's products and services. Thank you for subscribing. An error has occurred. Please try again later. View all New York Times newsletters.

The Rev. Peter Burns, a Catholic priest in Sheboygan, Wis., who has known the family for most of their time in this country, agreed that this a difficult time for Mr. Sinthasomphone. "Obviously anyone who has gone through such a tragedy as this would wonder if they've chosen the right path for their lives," he said. A Pain Hard to Bear

Indeed, other family members said nothing about the harshness of their past could prepare them for the anguish they now feel about the details surrounding Konerak's death.

Neighbors called the police on May 27, when saw a young boy, now identified as Konerak, on the street near Mr. Dahmer's apartment building. He was naked, bleeding and disoriented, apparently because he had been drugged. Witnesses said the police returned the boy to Mr. Dahmer after Mr. Dahmer told the officers that they quarreling lovers.

Konerak's death, family members said, has been all the harder to bear since the family had been victimized before by Mr. Dahmer.

An older brother, now 16 years old, was sexually molested by Mr. Dahmer in 1988. Mr. Dahmer, who is charged with four counts of murder and is likely to charged with more, was convicted of that crime in 1989, but his eight-year prison sentence was stayed by State Judge William Gardner after Mr. Dahmer wrote a remorseful letter apologizing for the incident. He was released in early 1990 after serving one year of his sentence and put on probation.

The family refuses to talk about its first brush with Mr. Dahmer. "It is a touchy topic with them," Mr. Burns said, a Catholic priest in Sheboygan, Wis., who has known the family for most of their time in this country. And the family only reluctantly speaks about its second contact with the 31-year-old unemployed man, who lured Konerak into his apartment with the promise of money for posing for pictures, the police have said.

Family members said they wish they had been told about Mr. Dahmer's early release from jail. But a spokesman for the Milwaukee Police Department said the department did, tell the family that Mr. Dahmer had been granted probation.

The family has turned to their culture and faith for comfort. They have built a small shrine, with a photo of Konerak surrounded by burning candles and fresh flowers, on a small table in one corner of the room.

Advertisement Continue reading the main story

Small bowls of sliced cucumbers, fried rice and vegetables from the family's kitchen sat before the photo, where twice a day the family and visiting friends offer prayers for the young boy's soul.

"We will do this until we get his remains and bury him or create him," Anouke Sinthasomphone, one of the brothers, said quietly. A service is tentatively planned either for Sunday night or Monday night at St. John's Cathedral here, the church that helped sponsor the Sinthasomphone family's voyage to America.

While Anouke Sinthasomphone watched, two of his brothers and a cousin knelt before the shrine. They stared at Konerak's photograph. Not far from the photograph, a small card taped near the shrine offered some comfort, "Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal."