The EASIEST Way To Approach Someone You Like and Get Over Rejection

Let’s imagine a man who worked in a small office where he encountered someone who was attractive. An example would be:

She’s beautiful and the type of woman most guys would date. However, rather than approaching her to get to know her, he placed her on a pedestal by creating a short story in his head.

He then starts building that story to where it’s no longer a fable tale, but a #1 New York Best selling Novel. He has chapters about how him and “the girl of his dreams” met, dated, got married, and had children.

The longer he waits to approach her, the longer his Novel gets. The more chapters he adds, love scenes he creates, and fictional scenarios he runs through.

And the more he invest his emotions and thoughts into an idea he created in his head, the more she involves into something else. She no longer remains just a typical woman he works with, but someone who matches the characteristics of an angel. Before you know it, she transforms into this:

Suddenly she seems out of his reach and someone who he can no longer relate to. She’s like an angel who can only be adored from a distance but never approached. It gets worst because hour after hour, day by day, he rewrites his chapters and invest more time into making them longer and more detailed.

He hire editors and write sequels in his head based on his love story. He sees her as the perfect version that a woman should be, and can never imagine himself dating anyone else. It tears his heart apart to even see her speaking to another man.

But time pasts whether it’s days, weeks, months or even years that he only watches her from a distance, fearing the idea of rejection. The idea of rejection grows larger because it’ll destroy all the work he invested into the Novel he created in his head. All the time he spent making a life together with her will burn to ashes if he discovered she didn’t reciprocate the same feelings for him.

As horrible as that story was, this occurs to people more often than it should. Someone sees someone they like, create a Novel in their head based on having a love life with that person, and never make an attempt to date them because it’ll destroy whatever story they created in their head.

Rejecting Rejection

The fear of rejection multiplies itself due to all the hours someone spent creating the ultimate fantasy in their head. They forget the person they like is actually a human and see them as an immortal who can only date perfect people. They enhance the person in their head to appear in a standard that is out of everyone’s league.

But the same woman who the man from the story loved is the same type of person who any crush you’ll ever have possess. She’ll be someone who has dreams, fears, social anxieties, worries, insecurities, and major flaws. She won’t be the flawless person you imagined in your head despite how much you wish for it.

The way we “fall in love” with people is equal to that of a celebrity crush. We watch a movie we like and instantly fall in love with the actor or actress who played an excellent character. We then get the concept that the celebrity is someone who’s above the standards that normal people follow based on the stories we conjure to ourselves.

We see someone we like in a movie and can never see them playing the bad guy in real life. We see someone we admire from a distance and refuse to accept they might be dealing with depression, have personal issues, or even experience negative emotions.

People build a story in their head about how a singer like Beyonce or an actor like Johnny Depp have no flaws. They don’t see them as someone who can possibly have the same flaws as Joe next door or Samantha down the street.

And this type of personification we give to celebrities is the same ones we give to people we admire from a distance. We see someone for their outer appearance without even wanting to understand what’s happening in their mind or personal affairs.

The girl from the story above may have flaws, but like anyone else, she can be supportive, enjoy humor, and want to enjoy life just as much as you. The moment you take action upon anyone you like, you’ll discover that they’re only human beings who’ll have the same basic qualities as any other human.

You’ll discover that they won’t instantly turn you into dust or laugh at you if you flirt with them. They won’t scream or push you away if you simply speak to them with the intent to date.

They’ll simply reveal their own interest in you or not. If she likes you, then you can move forward to see where it takes you both. Don’t invest your emotions into imagining the type of future you can have with them because if things slightly turn the opposite direction, you’ll lose focus on your real relationship and get angry at her for ruining your vision.

If you spot someone and approach them, but they don’t share the same interest, you can move on in your life. You won’t have to worry about dwelling in the “what-if” stages of your imaginations and creating a fictional life with them.

There’s been plenty of moments where I chickened out from speaking to a woman because I couldn’t bare the idea of her breaking my heart and tearing apart the story I spent 20 hours creating. I hated the idea of sitting to myself everyday and thinking about the woman I had a crush on because the moment things didn’t go the way I wanted, it would send me into a mini depression.

This happened so many times that it temporarily caused me to be afraid of approaching women. I was afraid of receiving that rejection to the heart. But it wasn’t the idea of rejection that injured me the most or accepting the idea they weren’t attracted to me. It was the thought of receiving rejection after spending so many hours thinking about a fictional relationship with some woman.

It’s like waiting to be accepted from a college you always wanted to go to and envision everything you’ll do when you arrive there from day one all the way to graduation. But when your admission letter gets mailed to you, you find out they rejected your application. That feelings suck because all those happy emotions of victory and triumph gets flushed down the drain.

However, there’s a funny thing about rejection.

I’m certain you remember every rejection you received from someone you constantly daydreamed about. However, you probably barely recall any rejections you received from someone you knew no longer than 4 minutes.

The ability to not care about the outcome is the mindset to carry because you don’t know the outcome. You can never know the outcome because you can’t read the future. You don’t know where the relationship will head towards if you take action. Maybe it’ll go super well or maybe they won’t like you. At least you’ll know that moment without it hindering in the back of your mind.

But if you’re only creating a false scenario in your head based on a situation that doesn’t exist, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Be acceptable towards both outcomes.

The outcome where you live happily ever after with someone, and the outcome where you both split your lives apart. This removes any pressures you had of finding a relationship because you’re no longer playing Chess, but Tetris.

You play a move based on the part you’re given. You shouldn’t try to think ten moves ahead of the person you want to date because you can’t predict other people actions that precisely. Play one piece at a time and enjoy the situation for what it is.

But what if I like someone I see at work, neighborhood, or local bar?

I understand. It’s difficult forgetting someone if you’re in an environment where you’re constantly seeing them. Thus, slightly remove the instant approach method I previously mentioned.

Don’t get angry. The method I’m about to mention is only meant for people in situations where they’re constantly seeing the person they like such as in the workforce or apartment building. If you have no interest in this part, I’d encouraged you to just skip down below.

Let’s say you reveal your feelings to Sandy but she doesn’t like you back, it’s going to create a little awkwardness between the two of you in the office.

Let me give you an example of how a simple interaction can go successfully with someone you like in such an environment.

The first part is connecting with the person you like by initiating a small conversation to see how they think, act and behave. You can speak about small things they enjoy, events occurring nearby, or anything else that pertains to them.

But remember: Don’t think about outcome. Don’t Think about a love life with that coworker or neighbor

Next, don’t take life so seriously and just be fun. Live in the moment when you’re near that person and simply enjoy the situation for what it is. Don’t force topics if the conversation becomes silent. Share what’s on your mind and leave if nothing remains.

PLEASE remember: Don’t think about outcome. Don’t Think about a love life with that coworker or neighbor

If the person treats you with respect, take it to the next step by asking them out somewhere. Perhaps to a coffee shop, movie, bar or park.

And from there, build comfort with them and have fun. Of course this type of interaction can take time.

This operation can take minutes, days, or weeks depending on the theme of the situation. For instance, if you only spend a short amount of time with the person you like, chances are it can take a little longer than usual because you want to grow the Comfort Development Stage. This is where you become a familiar face to someone rather than some stranger who quickly asks them out.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask someone you see upon the first approach, but if you typically deal with shyness, anxiety, or have a difficult time with approaching, it’ll be easier to first become a friendly face.

The key is to build a trust effect without effort by being seen enough times to become a familiar presence. Perhaps give out a friendly hello and small chat as you walk near them.

This makes it easier for them to be more acceptable to spending time with you in a private location. However, if you’re in an environment where both members often see one another, it’s easier to gain a trust center with them. However, if you’d like to approach the fast route to approach someone and increase the comfort process, I’d suggest these articles:

An Approach to Texting and “The Rules”

Nothing can seem more tiresome than sending someone a risky text and waiting in agony as you hope they reply back with a positive remark. Perhaps you sent a cute flirty text to spice the conversation, maybe you asked a daring question, or maybe you sent a simple hello to someone who you recently met.

With every minute that past, the more we regret our previous message, wishing we said something else. Maybe you should have added an LOL or a happy face emoji after you said you thought Julie looked pretty in her pink dress.

But the rule to stop caring about the outcome is necessary to apply whenever you text someone. Yes, you’re going to make mistakes where the other person isn’t going to know your tone when you reply back to them. Someone might misinterpret your text for something worse than it actually is.

But allowing your imaginations to think ten moves ahead of a texting conversation is a bad habit because you’r turning a simple chat into a game of chess. You’re not thinking what to text James based on the text he sent about him enjoying baseball. You’re thinking what he’s going to say if you say you hate baseball and what he might reply back to you.

And for every minute he doesn’t reply back, you freak out because you assume your words ruined the relationship. You allow your imaginations to conjure up weird scenarios where the other person no longer wants to chat with you.

You then grow afraid of appearing needy if you send another text after the one you previously sent. These type of thoughts are what create The Texting Game, turning what should have been a fun chat into a decisive battle between who holds more power in a texting relationship.

But texting someone you like shouldn’t be about figuring out what they’re going to say if you say this or that because you’re removing the fun out of the whole process. You’re playing a weird form of gambling where you’re betting on the status of the relationship rather than understanding the other person’s mind.

When speaking to someone via text, only concentrate on the previous text and create a witty comeback at it. Don’t entirely think of what they might say, or if they’ll get offended. Be mindful to their response and play with it.

Say things to get a reaction or answer. Yes, be mindful so you won’t hurt their feelings, but don’t be afraid to tell someone a truthful flirty thought that crossed your mind as you speak to someone.

It is a little risky, but life is sometimes risky. I’ve gone through many texting conversations with a girl where I wanted to send something flirty but was too scared on what she might say, thus never crossing that path.

And eventually, we both grew bored of each other and turned opposite directions. But there’s been moments where I pushed passed the barrier and sent a risky text, accepting the fact if she’ll be uncomfortable or not. And what’s funny is most of the time, females will respond back with a flirty text because it’s the spiciness that human beings often desire.

Most, and I mean, MOST importantly,

If you get anything out of this article, let it be this. Avoid the ultimate fantasy. Destroy any fairy tales you created in your head about anyone you like.

If you’re speaking to a woman on Tinder, don’t imagine yourself being in a committed relationship with them after the first several messages. If you’re speaking to a man you meet at the mall, don’t imagine him being your knight in shining armor.

Because the moment you live in the fantasy world, you stop concentrating on how to make the real world better. I’ve had too many moments where I lived a fairy tale where some woman would be my girlfriend after speaking to her on Tinder or meeting her downtown.

But when things went south, I saw my story destroyed and self-esteem lowered. Now, I enjoy the situation for what it is. I enjoy every person I speak to without thinking of how our relationship will be in the future.

And this type of thinking has released a burden from my chest. I’m no longer worried about the possibility of destroying a potential marriage. I’m no longer worried about feeling threatened about a fantasy being shattered.

If you’re breathing heavily right now at the thought of breaking that fantasy, sit with your back straight right now, take a deep breath and let it all out. Don’t let anyone lower your value because of the possibilities of them fulfilling the fantasy you created in your head. Let them appreciate you for who you are because you’re better than that.

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