The Vampire Diaries S06E06: "The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get"

Stalking is wrong and should be against the law. I don't care if you are a lovelorn vampire or a goose with a vendetta, just in general, cool it with the stalking. A few weeks ago I had to file a restraining order against a cricket, but it's a long story. The fact is, sometimes people or insects cross lines they shouldn't cross. I'm sure they THINK they have valid reasons for their behavior (reasons like "I'm back from the dead and my girlfriend brainwashed herself to stop loving me," or "It's reasonably warm and I'm making noises with my legs"), but when it comes down to it, this kind of thing doesn't get you anywhere except for maybe RIKER'S ISLAND. Enough is enough.

"The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get" is a Morrissey song that really explores the gray area between "we are ships passing in the night" and "leave me the f*ck alone." So too was this week's same-titled episode of The Vampire Diaries! See, this was where that whole Elena brainwashing subplot was leading the whole time: It never felt fully convincing that she'd resort to something so drastic, but it really upped the dramatic conflict for when Damon finally returned. He expected a joyful reunion with his favorite lady, but now she's dealing with a blood-sucking demon who's demanding her company. Whereas it arguably wasn't either of their fault that Damon got sucked into the afterlife, Elena definitely made a concerted choice to sabotage their relationship irreparably. But by episode's end, the bad-times twists kept happening, with Alaric losing his ability to un-compel her. Wait why am I even telling you this? It all happened in the episode you just watched! Let's maybe talk about it? Yes let's just do that.



We picked up just after Ivy got picked up. Yes, friends, we were cruisin' around in Tripp Fell's sweet van with nothing between us and the black top except eight gallons of gasoline and our dreams. Also there were three vampires in the back literally dying to death!

Aw, poor Ivy. At least she didn't get a phantom head wound like that other vampire. Rest in peace babygirl.

Meanwhile word was starting to get around that Damon was alive again! If you were thinking that this revelation—not only the return of a very important figure to these characters and within the community, but also walking evidence of a realm beyond life and death—would spark widespread jubilation and/or amazement, please keep in mind that the best that can be said was that Elena did a full turn-around when she heard.

Not exactly a ticker tape parade or a pizza party, but it's something. It's really something. And Elena's first order of business?

Not that he'd asked. Elena just barged into Alaric's office and apropos of nothing demanded that he keep his magic eyeballs off of her newly scrubbed memory.

But the frantic back-room dealings weren't over yet: Damon made Stefan swear not to tell anybody that Bonnie had been left behind! This was a major villain turn for Damon, sorry. His rationale was apparently that he didn't want to bum people out about Bonnie being left behind, but since when does it ever make things easier to keep secrets? Especially when he was living proof that people could be rescued from the beyond? If he'd spread the word, they could probably band together and figure something out—like, say, they could contact that pesky Gemini coven—but nope! He just decided to keep it a secret. MAJOR jerk move.

For his part Jeremy was not taking the news very well:

Elsewhere Enzo was on the verge of spilling his secrets about who the vampires were, and that included who the vampires' friends and accomplices were:

So now the gang needed to not only save Enzo out of friendship but also to prevent him from outing all their identities! It was a very frustrating situation frankly.

Meanwhile Damon had already heard about Elena's emotional lobotomy and decided to just show up at her dorm anyway. It didn't go great.

For one thing they mostly just sort of posed like this:

But then when Elena finally relented and opened the door, she had done that classic vampire move of jumping out the window at lightspeed!

Remember when Damon used to do that to HER all the time? Anyway, poor Damon. He seemed very disappointed. What exactly was he supposed to do? This particular scenario isn't exactly in the vampire handbook, am I right? Very confusing.

Meanwhile Alaric asked Elena to please keep an eye on Jo the doctor and find out why exactly she hadn't been compelled. Next thing we knew Elena was trolling the hallways putting her mouth on everybody's unattended beverages.

Ugh, vampire backwash is the worst. Don't tell me vampires brush their teeth after eating blood because THEY DON'T. Imagine vampire breath. Go ahead, simply imagine it, I'll wait.

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