Andy!

What?

I just took my bra off in bed. You didn’t even roll over. When you were 18 you would have been all over me.

That was over 10 years ago. I know what boobies look like now.

Like they’re made of professional women’s basketball? Because you’re not even a little bit excited right now.

You always take your bra off in bed. You toss it towards the end of the mattress so I wake up with it tangled around my ankles. But, you know what, I actually am excited. Excited you threw it on the floor this time so I don’t wake up like David Carradine. It’s like I need a safe word to sleep.

Wow.

I’m just tired. I’ve been up for over 20 hours helping to get the boat in the water. I’m too exhausted to be excited.

I even shaved, and it took 30 minutes because Jude flushed the toilet three times, and the water turned freezing cold, and all my leg hair regrew, so I had to shave twice.

Is that why you have the baby pads stuck to your legs?



I’m assuming you mean pantyliners, because babies don’t menstruate, that’s gross. And, shaving over goosebumps is hard, Andy, band aids were too small to stop the blood.

Ah, ok, well rain check. Tomorrow when the kids nap. I gotta get some sleep.

Whatever. My legs will be all stubbly by then.

*passive aggressive roll over and pillow fluff*

You smell like chicken nuggets

The boys had happy meals for dinner, I ate one. Plus, my elbow feels sticky. Probably sweet and sour sauce.

Ahhh.

Yup.

Mmmm…do you still wanna mess around?

Oh my God I hate you.

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