Wayne fights for the Union both as a military man and as Batman. Remember how Bruce Wayne came by the identity of the Bat after a dark, tortured night of the soul lead to an epiphany? This Bruce Wayne just thought dressing like a bat would be funny. Even Lincoln points out Batman's costume is a bit over the top, and he was a Frankenstein.

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All the same, a guy's gotta have a costume. The Batsuit is uniquely designed to protect Batman while allowing him to use stealth and the cover of darkness as his weapon. Which makes Batman's black leather suit an intriguing choice for fighting crime in the middle of the flat, sun-bleached, blistering desert.

Robinyj

"Do you think they've spotted us?"

To keep his identity secret, Bruce masquerades as the winner of a "Most Punchable Face" contest.

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"Hey, I'm shitty Zorro, it's nice to meet you."

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He rides to Nevada with a fetching young woman and her aunt, who no one wants to point out looks like a cross-dressing Teddy Roosevelt.

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"Bully!"

In Nevada, Bruce meets up with Redbird (Robin), a Native American who speaks broken English. Redbird's actually half Native American (his mother was white), so there's no reason for him not to speak regular English except the contractual obligation of every Native American character in media to speak bad English and finish every sentence with "boss."

Bruce teams up with Wild Bill Hickok and Mark Twain because something something something, history is whatever we want it to be.

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And horse anatomy is whatever the artists want it to be.

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Then the not-at-all-surprising twists start piling up. The fetching young woman turns out to be working for the South, a bunch of French soldiers arrive to get the gold and everyone expecting a Batman comic gets bored and leaves. But things don't go really off the rails until someone shoots and kills Batman's horse, at which point he Loses. His. Shit.

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And that's ... how Batman won the Civil War?

Wow. This actually would have made a much better history textbook.

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For more astonishingly bad comic ideas, check out Batman: The WTF Adventures and The 20 Most Ridiculous Batman Comics Ever Released.