T.J. SIMERS Learning from Matt Barkley has him atwitter

Social media dinosaur gets a lesson in tweeting from USC's Heisman candidate.

Right now, Barkley is looking at me like he might a black and white movie, but he has agreed to teach me how to be cool and tweet, twit or whatever.

He's some kind of computer whiz, who also happens to be USC's starting quarterback and as good a candidate as any in the land to win the Heisman.

You're never too old, until you realize you're sitting next to a kid born on Sept. 8, 1990 and your own birthday is Sept. 2, 1950, and the kid knows more than you ever will.

All right, tweeps, I'm hip now … AAMOF I've got a new avatar thanks to @MattBarkley. Ready, bros, to go on hashtag binge. #Page2

"People tell me all the time I have a Twitter account," I'm telling Barkley, "but I wouldn't know how to get to it and have never twitted."

Barkley is chuckling and I don't know why.

I turn on my computer and he's clearly impressed.

He mentions something about a typewriter, like he's ever seen one, and "marriott.com" pops up on my screen while I'm trying to find my Twitter page.

I still say typewriters are quicker at times than my computer. He mutters something about having to attend practice, I presume before he turns my age, so he takes over.

He asks me to sign in. He might as well have asked me to go deep and catch one of his passes.

I have to call the office, get a username, a password, and there I am. Someone has been tweeting my columns, and as mean as people say I am, I wouldn't do that to people. Who knows what else they have sent under my name?

Barkley says something about my avatar, and I know it's a movie. He says it's my picture, and let me tell you, it's not my kind of picture and I would never see it.

He says "We got work to do," and shows me his avatar, @MattBarkley.

It's his picture; he's wearing a helmet and looks ticked.

"It used to be a pic of me holding up a sword at the end of the UCLA game," he says. "At the start of camp I changed it to this one. The serious face is because of unfinished business, and it's time to do something serious."

I put on a USC baseball cap, since I have the Trojans No. 1, and I'm not lying like Lane Kiffin, who says whatever anyone wants to hear. I wonder if he tweets one thing and texts another.

Barkley takes my picture before I can strike a Heisman pose, and it comes up @LATimesTJSIMERS.

Now that I'm going to be young again, I wonder if I should also color my hair.

"Keep it real," says Barkley, and the kid is so right on.

He then tells me he deleted tweeting from his phone this summer. So why am I starting?

"I wanted to focus on my family and girlfriend, so I only tweet on the Web," he says. "I got to the point where I was always looking at my timeline."

Tell me about it; I'm sitting here looking at my 62-year-old wife.

"It's time to tweet," says Barkley. "The famed 140 characters; people say it dumbs down writing.…"

Finally something I know about.

"I just think you have to be creative, use your words wisely and condense," says Barkley. "And you don't have to worry about being grammatically correct."