I kept in contact with Everett, for a short period of time. We agreed to talk about Mike as little as possible.

It pained him. He obviously had true feelings for Mike. And Everett said that moving to Sabier City gave him hope of living openly with his sexuality. It felt like being shut away at home again. But he agreed to it. As it turned out, we liked each other enough to sacrifice a little comfort.

It didn’t take long for Everett to talk about the newest networking engineer. She was a little older than both of us, being 26. She married young in college and divorced young too, and was open to a casual date. But was I?

I wanted Everett to tag along and treat it like a platonic meetup instead.

“…and he’s reviving his uncle’s Gameboy with a raspberry pi!”

“Wow, can you do mine next? I haven’t done much with those things.”

Ashley Farahmand had a lot in common with me from the start. Both of us had an immigrant parent who did something medical. Our western parent won when it came to giving a first name. And in spite of spending all but a few weeks a year in America, she loved the Moonlight Massacre trilogy too. Just like me, she thought the remake was better.

“Oh dear, one at a time please,” I said. “I’m lucky I could get time off for a…meetup.”

“And at your own workplace!” said Ashley. “At least it’s better than trying to make moves on someone at a bank.” She took a bite out of her croissant. Everett bought us a whole plate of fresh ones, with butter, as a favor. “So what’s your background?”

“Recent uni grad from Windenburg. I worked in programming, 3D design, some electronics–”

“And romance?”

I took a deep breath. There was a lot I could talk about.

“I proposed at a restaurant and got rejected.”

“Well, he asked for a divorce at a restaurant.”

“Wait, really?”

“They’re cursed for us, aren’t they?”

I had never felt anything but regret and misery thinking back to that night. But that afternoon, we laughed together at our romantic tragedies. We laughed hard, while Everett watched and sipped his shade-grown coffee.

And it felt amazing.

It went well enough for us to leave with a tight, impassioned hug. Ashley gave amazing hugs, caressing me for a brief moment in her soft grey sweater and giant bosom.

I learned my lesson from Ragnhild: take things casually, or you’ll be embarrassed in a restaurant. And it sounded like it was what Ashley needed too, after a full divorce. And I learned a lesson from Thu as well: if you’re crazy for them, it’s too good to be true.

It was a little sad. I liked Ashley. I liked her husky voice and how her glasses sat on her beak-like nose. She had a more compatible taste in music and movies with me than Thu did. But I didn’t find myself obsessing over her. I didn’t even think of her at night or in the shower.

However, she called and wanted to meet me at a bar. It was on top of a tower and dangerously close to the Red Lantern District. But the games were plentiful, and the beer even more so. I couldn’t say no, in the end.

Ashley wore a denim miniskirt, and no leggings underneath it. What a tease! And I asked for a casual meetup.

Also, she was not very good at foosball.

“Three to one now!” I cheered. With no ambiguity, I was in the lead!

“I’m just rusty,” she said, with a fearful smile. “Next ball is gonna be all about me.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“That’s how you speak to your dates? You’re so bold.”

“Bold is how I win this game!” I dropped the ball into the table.

“No fair. The loser drops the ball,” said Ashley.

“Alright. Next time you lose.”

In Ashley’s defense, she tried hard. She was fast with her little wooden players, and came close to knocking the ball into my goal. But she played against me. I was a little faster and a little closer.

And the game was four to one, in my favor.

“Yeah, you’re good at this,” she said. She bent over to get a close look at the table. Her big breasts hung down. I don’t think she was wearing a bra.

She also told me that she liked a man in a turtleneck. I guess we both had things to say.

Like me, Ashley liked beer. The bar had a Rauchbier on tap, and I wanted her to try it. While not my favorite, I found the intense smoky notes fitting for a cool October night.

“Smells like Halloween,” she said. “At my old college, we’d light a lot of Halloween bonfires.”

“Sounds fun,” I said. “It’s a savory beer.”

She took a sip.

“Yeah, I’ll say.” She took another, and another again. “Alright. I’d like it better with some food, though.”

“I should have thought of that,” I said.

“Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I know…I’m just cautious after what happened.”

Her glass was soon finished, regardless of her words. “You’re too charming to go through that shit, you know.”

“Aww…that’s a nice thing to say,” I said, with my hand over my heart. “It would be nice to agree.”

“I had to stop blaming myself for the divorce. Maybe you should give it a try…just for your sake.”

I didn’t want to respond to that, though.

We sat down on one of the loveseats, and watched a game of darts. Well, that’s how it started. But Ashley kept leaning closer and closer to me. Her warm, squishy thighs were up against mine. She looked intense and alluring under the bar’s red lights.

She took my hand. “There’s something serious I want to ask you.”

“And this close? Just give me some time to brace myself.”

“I don’t think I can wait that long.” Oh god. Can’t we move to the filthy bar bathroom first? “Just let me touch you.”

“Wow, Ashley, if you insist–”

It started with a jab between my ribs. Her jittering fingers tickled me up the chest and close to my armpits. The worst places to tickle me.

“Agh, anything but that!” I laughed uncontrollably.

“Oh, and I can feel your hairy pits even under that sweater.” Now that was the most ticklish part of me.

“Too much!”

Ashley lowered her hands down to my back and stomach. “You looked ticklish. I wanted to make sure,” she said. “You have a lot of ribs to jab.”

“Yeah…I guess I haven’t been eating all my meals lately,” I said. “Living situation is weird.”

“Shared a flat with your girlfriend?”

“No…different stuff.”

“Guess what,” Ashley said, drawing herself even closer to my face. “I got Strider II and tons of leftovers from work today. There was a big catered party that got canceled, so I grabbed some dumplings and steak tips and pastries. Oh! And stuff wrapped in prosciutto.”

“What a break!” I said. “What’s wrapped in prosciutto?”

“Uh, I think cantaloupe and asparagus? Swear there was a third too.”

“It sounds so good. Why cancel?”

“Something about how the former VP of Marketing wanted to get our CEO out to the office for her birthday. But she didn’t show.”

“It’s…it’s her birthday today?” Thu never told me that. Or she did, but just in passing. Even when she fired me, it wouldn’t be a topic for at least another month anyways. “I’m sorry, Ash. I…I used to work close with her. We were close.”

“Wow, and I’ve never met Ms. Duong at all,” she said. “Is she nice?”

“She’s…incredible.” I sighed. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. I think you’re incredible too. But she was such a big part of my life for a few months. I just can’t forget her.”

“Hey, I get it. You care about her,” she said, while I looked away in utter shame. “And maybe she forgot that you did.”

“That sounds…too right,” I said.

“Why don’t you give her a call? At least you have an excuse now.”

“You think so?”

“I get how to be nice to people, if that’s what you’re asking,” said Ashley. “Just take the call outside! Then we can go back to my flat and have some sweet leftovers.”

“You know…I will,” I said. “This is a time to remind her.”

Obviously, I didn’t want to tell Ashley that she was inferior to Thu’s stunning perfection. I didn’t want to tell her that I would never worry about her like I worried about Thu. No matter how casual this date was, I saw through her video games and food. If there was a moment to move fast with me, Ashley would.

I needed to accept that my life would be full of Ashleys. And it would be great with women like her! But for Thu’s 28th birthday, I couldn’t give her the simple gift of moving on. I wanted to say that I cared.

She didn’t change her number. It rang thrice.

You have reached Thu Duong’s personal phone. Please don’t call again.

Beep. Didn’t leave a message.

I took a seat on one of the benches on that vast, sparse balcony. As I often did when thinking about Thu, I sulked. If she was okay, she would see my call. She wasn’t chained to her phone, but she kept it on for business calls.

Which, taking a break from being CEO, she didn’t get any of.

Uptown was visible from the balcony, with all its beautiful towers and bright lights. COTE & SAVOIE were in lights on the Cosavo tower. Even from that distance, they glimmered in place of any stars over Uptown. And where was Thu, if anywhere? I missed her voice so much. I missed the fragile, shy lilt of it, and the measured way she pronounced every word. I craved everything she could offer.

It was worth trying again.

You have reached Thu Duong’s personal phone. Please don’t call again.

I kicked a cigarette butt out of the way. Gross. There was a trash can near the wall. My number was going to show on Thu’s phone, even without me leaving a message. No matter what, I bothered her on her birthday and she knew.

But why stop at two calls? Maybe my third would be the lucky one. Or a confirmation that she was not in the mood to talk that night.

“Axel…why?”

“Thu! I…I remembered that it was your birthday,” I said. “I know what happened between us, but I…”

“Please stop calling.” Her voice had grown cold, if intensely attractive. And like a thin layer of ice, it could break with the slightest pressure.

“I understand…I’m sad it’s still like this, but I understand,” I said. “I need to learn to leave you alone.”

“You do.”

“Happy birthday, Thu,” I said, in a meek voice. “I hope you had a great day.”

“Thanks.” Abrupt hang-up.

—

And that was it. Our feelings couldn’t be further apart. My presence pained her like her absence did to me. And I didn’t blame her one bit. What had become of me?

I spent a long while gazing over the edge of the balcony. I could see a lot from there, from Uptown to the dorms of Morterero. Nighttime traffic intensified on Grace Street. And some people in Sabier City started to turn out their lights for the night.

I looked down. It was a long plummet to the bottom, should anything fall.

I fixated on that fall, and had to ask myself again: what had become of me?

“I guess she wanted a quiet birthday night.” Ashley exited to the balcony too. “You okay?”

“Well, some of it was crushing loneliness. And now you’re here,” I said. I put on a big smile for Ashley. “It sucked. It…but it’s better than nothing. If you want to put a good spin on it.”

“And I was just bullshitting that idea! Are you still up for leftovers and Strider?”

I had to think about that.

“Yeah, I need that,” I said.

Ashley came over to give me a kiss on the cheek. “I like you better when you’re happy,” she whispered. And there was nothing wrong with giving Ashley what she wanted. But happiness still felt strange.