The first test between England and Pakistan was just how big bang had happened; nothingness blowing out into the universe. It is said that bowlers have bowled so much that the generations these men will spawn will have far stronger legs than any of their peers. Their children might also struggle to believe that hard work always leads you to success.

In post match analysis, Saeed Ajmal has thanked both PCB and ICC who had prevented him from playing international cricket for different reasons. He said,” The amount of overs bowled was a curse, I have no doubt about my retirement plans now”. On the other hand, Pakistan’s team management is not revealing the ‘surprise’ addition to the second test. It is rumored that it is a surprise largely to prevent any Pakistani bowler from falling ill and not to surprise English team.

Apart from being almost one of the least contributing test matches to cricket history, the other highlight of the test match was delaying tactics of Pakistan team to drag the match into a draw by running out of time. Their first tactic was to set the field, reset the field and then set it back to original field. It is reported that players, specially bowlers, threatened to revolt against Misbah if he did not stop making them run between third man and long on.

When the threat reached Waqar Younis, he gathered his think tank for a quick meeting. After the meeting, Ahmed Shehzad was given a task to drink 12 litres of water within the on-going over if he wanted a selfie with empty chairs, Shehzad complied with passion. However, when he needed to pee, he was asked to go and pee on the pitch.

Out of great urge, Shehzad ran to pitch during over break but was sent back by Misbah. The next over, he ran to the pitch again but was returned again. During the last few overs, he tried again to take a shot at the pitch but umpires made him run away, telling him ‘ spare today, these guys have shat here for four days’.

While Shehzad suffered, the tactic worked and the delay was achieved. The match eventually ran into a draw leaving English fans displeased and players grateful to the God of darkness.

During the match presentation Misbah was asked if the surprise inclusion could be Mohammad Amir, to which he said with a grin, ” You know, he is a very talented bowler and he has performed very well in domestic. I really hope he finds a plane to Dubai, and then he can travel with us in our tour bus and then our tour bus falls into a deep valley”.

The presenter, to no one’s surprise, rejected any chance of Amir being in the next test.

[Note: To all haters of literature, this is fiction.]