EDIT: PLEASE READ THIS! I know you've been overwhelmed with responses, but I think this might be helpful to understand the hostility after you went to GenderCritical and also I hope I can provide some insight into where Michael is coming from in this situation.

I dont know what a TERF sub is, I only know that I was told Id get good advice elsewhere since I cant tell whats good and whats bad and whats what

You've been unfortunately caught between two groups that are at constant odds with each other. TERF means "Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist" and they believe all kinds of insane, bigoted, insulting and hateful things about trans people. They've referred to us as cockroaches, they've said we're pedophiles, criminals, rapists, insane, dangerous, that being trans is a "conspiracy funded by big pharma" you name it and wear a tinfoil hat and they've probably said it. Thats why you've gotten such negative response after you went there. If you want to see a huge list thats been compiled of crazy/insulting things they've said you can see it here

I wanted advice on how to make sure my son started eating, and that he would begin to think about seeing someone medically for help. I dont know how you can be so extremist as to call us bigots for not wanting to give our child drugs out of our own money without at least a hello from a medical professional! This is the only thing we want to get through to our son.

I'm going to use male pronouns and his name just because that is what you've been using and I want this to be exceedingly clear. This is not going to be easy. Michael isn't refusing to eat out of some tantrum for not getting his way, he's terrified, he's stressed, he's extremely vulnerable and whether or not your response was reasonable its making him feel like you don't approve or want to help, the last thing on his mind is food. Your desire for him to see a therapist is perfectly reasonable, but speaking as someone who has been where your kid is, its not an easy position. When you're stuck with something this life altering, stressful and emotionally painful it saps the life out of you, simple steps like "see a therapist" or "get a job so you can pay for hormones" seem like insurmountable tasks. (hormones are extremely inexpensive by the way, I get 1 months supply for 15 bucks) You're already so so tired from dealing with the gender issues it can be extremely difficult to summon the fortitude and willpower to do anything about it. This is why he has been cloistered up in his room on his computer, its a distraction from a situation that he feels powerless to deal with, and as silly as it seems, cutting the internet earlier in the day robbed him of his one escape from the situation, trust me, I've been there. This is why he's been so hostile with how you're dealing with the situation, he feels trapped, vulnerable, and regardless of your intentions he feels like you're not on his side. He needs reassurance that you love him, he needs to know that you're in this with him and you're going to work together on this. Part of this includes you learning about transgender people because I promise you you absolutely have incorrect stereotypes, assumptions or opinions about trans people floating around in your head somewhere and if you can show him that you're fine with trans people and you actually know some stuff he's going to feel like you care rather than feeling like you're trying to delay or stop him.

And those of you who are saying awful things about me as a parent just for having the vaguest concern over my sons sudden, and it is sudden, requirement of us as parents to fund hormones for him off the books, you need to re evaluate your own values

I understand that this situation has been extremely sudden for you and you need time to process it, but I promise this hasn't been sudden at all for Michael. When you grow up in a society like ours where the vast amount of opinions about trans people are extremely negative and you realize "Oh my God, I'm one of those people" you tend to get very good at hiding it. Hiding it consumes you, and the fact that Michael has come out to you and said something about it has put him in an extremely vulnerable position. You said you tried to talk to him the other night and he wouldn't say anything, its because it can be that hard to get the words to come. Some advice regarding that, you might try talking by a chat program or writing letters because those can both be much easier ways of communicating something so personal and scary.

However a quick google search for actual clinical studies gave me a best case scenario of 60% not being transgender in the long run.

Side note regarding something you said in your post on GenderCritical. That study you're referring to (I'm pretty sure I know which one it is) included Gender non-conforming children, meaning kids that never once said they were trans which is why the % of being trans in the long run was only 60%. Typically if someone has made it into puberty and still says they're trans they are.

To sum it up, this is going to be an extremely difficult situation no matter how well you handle it. Michael is terrified, hurt, and stressed which is why he's not eating well and why he's become so closed off and hostile, and regardless of where you stand he feels like you're not on his side which unfortunately is going to make it even harder to deal with. You need to educate yourself about trans people, call a gender specialist, maybe go see them yourself so you can talk with them, get to know them, learn some more about the situation etc. If you're not sure who is a reputable specialist you could try calling an LGBT center (or a similar organization) in your area for recommendations. Whatever you do do NOT take the advice of the people over at Gender Critical, they just want Michael to not transition regardless of whether or not that is in his best interest. I personally don't care what he does so long as its the right choice for him, but the reason you're getting so much "let him transition" pressure from us over here is because so many of us see ourselves in Michael's situation, we've been there, its extremely familiar to us and we know how awful it can be. Quite frankly we're terrified for him, there is so much potential for this situation to go extremely badly for everyone involved and we don't want that.